Yours and Yours Alone Page 13
Kania shook her head. “Their presence had nothing to do with our argument.”
“But if they weren’t there, the chances of you two kissing and making up would have been better.”
“Sleeping with his was an unforgivable mistake on my part and it’s just as well that it’s over.”
“I think the mistake was in believing Braden would ever think badly of you.”
“Did you never wonder why Braden and I never lived together?”
“You said something about his father disapproving of couples who lived together.”
“Their fathers’ beliefs and values shaped theirs. I would have happily lived with him, but he said he loved me, and a man didn’t belittle the woman he loved by living with her. Just what do you think he would think about my sleeping with Raven while married to Hank?”
“Granted, he might not approve, but no one is going to convince me he’d suddenly develop a bad opinion on you. I’m at a lost to see why you think he would.”
She sighed. “Well, it’s a moot point now.”
“You’re just going to let him walk away?”
“It’s the only decent thing to do.”
“Nia—”
“Besides, he’s already left and he told me he’d be spending his nights with other women.”
“Doesn’t the fact that you’re jealous give you pause? I know marriage is sacred, but why won’t you admit the obvious?”
“What’s so obvious that I’m denying?”
“The fact that you slept with him because you have feelings for him and do not love Hank anymore.”
“I do love him!”
“Fine. Maybe you love him, but you’re not in love with him any more than you’re in love with Braden. You know the difference between loving and being in love. Don’t let Raven walk away.”
“It’s over. He told me to leave him alone.”
“Probably because he’s hurt. You know we say things we don’t mean when we’re angry and hurt. And if he loves you, he must be hurting now—just as you are. Maybe even more because you won’t admit you love him too.”
“I never said that.”
“I know you didn’t.”
“Then please don’t assume you know how I feel.”
“Fine, Nia. Look, it’s late and I have an early morning coffee meeting with the regional manager. I’ll say good night—”
“Don’t hang up angry, Rena.”
“Oh, girl, I am so not angry. I’m scared.”
“Of what?”
“That you’re pushing away a man who loves you more than Hank and Braden combined. I’m begging you, Nia, don’t let Raven get away.”
She blinked back tears. “I can’t see him again and have a hope of repairing my marriage or my relationship with God. Have a good night,” she said and hung up. She thought of Raven and conversely, longed to talk to Braden. Instead, she took a glass and a bottle of wine and went to bed.
Lying in the darkened bedroom, her thoughts turned to the memory of Raven lying between her legs, loving her and of the sound of his deep baritone whispering that he loved and adored her. And she cried herself to sleep.
Chapter Nine
RAVEN’S RINGING CELL phone woke him on Wednesday morning. Groaning, he rolled onto his side and picked it up. “Hello.”
“Hey, Ray. Did I wake you?”
At the sound of the familiar voice, he sat up, resting his back against the headboard. “Yes, Croft, you did,” he, trying to conceal his irritation. The man on the other end, Bancroft Grayhawk, was one of seven brothers, with whom Raven and his brothers shared a long friendship.
“Sorry, but dude, it’s after eleven.”
“I’m no vacation, dude. I get to sleep as late as I like.”
“Did I interrupt anything?”
“Yes, my sleep.”
“Damn, Elkhorn, what the hell is your problem?”
“Who asked you to call me? Bray or Neka?”
“Haven’t talked to either of them in over two weeks. I’m calling because I thought of you and wondered how you were. How are you?”
Fuck his tempter. Bancroft had an aggravating ability to know things he shouldn’t. He sighed. “Sorry. I’ve had better days.”
“Want to talk about it?”
“Thanks for your concern, but no. I don’t.”
“Hmm. Where are you?”
“In LA at Braden and Neida’s house. Where are you?”
“In Philly.”
“How are the guys and Lelia and the various nieces and nephews?” He asked of Croft’s brothers, sister, and their kids.
“Everyone’s fine here. How long are you going to be in LA?”
“I was scheduled to be here another eight or nine days, but I’m not sure. Are you heading this way?”
“No. I’ll be flying to Europe with Randall in a few days,” he said of one of his brothers. “Just wanted to touch base with you. Listen, if you need to talk—”
“I’ll call one of my damn brothers,” he said.
“Fuck, you are in a mood.”
“Fuck! I know. I apologize.”
“Apology accepted. I won’t hold you. Bye.”
“Thanks for calling, Croft.”
Later that night after dinner out with Victor and his wife, he was annoyed to find one of Bancroft’s younger brothers waiting when he returned for the night. Declan Grayhawk had what his brothers called a healing touch. He was a successful therapist who could have made a fortune treating the wealthy but practiced instead at a few community health centers that didn’t pay him anywhere near his worth.
“What brings you here, Declan?” He asked as they shook hands.
“I’m in town for a conference. Croft called and asked me to stop by. How are you?”
He knew it was no use pretending with a man who could read and shape other’s thoughts with very little effort. “Lousy, thanks. Yourself?”
“I know you don’t want to talk, but my conference doesn’t start until Monday so I was hoping we could spend some time together before then.”
He really wasn’t in the mood, but decided he’d been ungracious enough with Bancroft. “I’m going into the office tomorrow.”
“And afterwards?”
“I’m dining out with a friend, J.T. Alexander. Do you know him?”
Declan nodded. “I think we were at one of Braden’s parties together a few years back.”
“Good. He’s reserved several tables at Mario’s.” He arched a brow. “Would you like to come as my date?”
Declan laughed. “You’re not my type.”
“I know the feeling. He’s invited several unattached women to keep us company. Are you involved with anyone who would object?”
“No.”
“With you on my arm, I’ll be the envy of every single woman in the place. Do you have plans for tomorrow night?”
“I don’t.”
“Then it’s a date.”
“Okay. But if we dance, I’m leading.”
“Say what now?” He responded and they both laughed.
They sat out by the pool and had a few drinks. When it was clear that Declan wasn’t going to push him to discuss his problems, he relaxed and enjoyed the other male’s company. Then he offered Declan one of the guestrooms and they went to bed. Without the comfort of a woman to take his thoughts off Kania, it took him a long time to fall asleep. Only to dream of Kania. And him begging her to give him another chance. And her telling him to go to hell. And his father saying it served him right.
KANIA WOKE THURSDAY morning determined to keep busy. After spending two hours at the animal shelter, she called the church outreach coordinator and volunteered for the next two days. She spent most of the day picking up and taking seniors to doctor appointments and driving them on errands. As she sat at an outdoor cafe waiting to for a call to pick up her last senior from her doctor’s, a male she had dated briefly before she met Hank and he met and married a mutual friend stopped by her table.
“Kania. Lo
ng time no see. Can I join you?”
She nodded. “Hey Jim. How’s Deb?”
“Fine. You?”
She was sure, like most of her friends and acquaintances that he knew Hank was in Japan. She shrugged. “So-so.”
“Deb and I are meeting a few friends for drink and dinner tonight. Why don’t you come? I know she’d love to see you.”
Instead of refusing, she nodded. “Thanks. I’d love to see her too.”
“Great. There are going to be a few of us. We’re having drinks around seven and have reservations for dinner at eight. I’ll make arrangements to add you and text you the info.” He rose and touched her shoulder. “Looking forward to seeing you tonight.”
Several hours later, she arrived at the restaurant. Jim, Deb, and two men and one woman were seated at a table. Although she didn’t know the others, they were friendly and she felt welcomed. She was actually enjoying herself until she glanced across the room and saw Raven. He sat across from a pretty woman with beautiful dark skin who looked as if she could easy grace the cover of any upscale magazine.
The woman kept reaching across the table to place her hand on his arm. Kania was pleased that each time she did, he moved his arm. Finally, realizing she was staring, she told herself to look away. Of course that’s when he turned his head and saw her.
After a moment, he inclined his head and looked away. Feeling her face burn, she tore her gaze away, to find everyone at her table watching her.
“Do you know him?” Jim asked.
“I dated his brother.”
“Are you okay being in the same restaurant?”
She really wasn’t, but nodded anyway. “Yes. I just need a moment. Excuse me,” she said and went to the ladies’ room. She refreshed her makeup slowly, giving herself time to slow her breathing. Feeling calmer, she left to return to the table.
Raven stood outside the men’s room just opposite.
She attempted to walk past, but he reached out to touch her arm. She turned to face him.
“About that last text...”
“If you’re going to try to tell me you didn’t mean it, Elkhorn—”
“I’m not,” he said cutting her off. “Because I meant it when I sent it. But I regret sending it.”
“Then why did you?”
“Because I was hurt and angry and I wanted to hurt you.”
“You did. So there’s that.”
“It was ungracious and mean-spirited.”
“Not to worry. I can hardly complain how the man I cheated with treats me. I deserved that and more.”
“No. You didn’t and I apologize.”
“Apology accepted.”
“Kania—”
“I wouldn’t want to subject you to anymore of my shit.” She walked away, grateful that he didn’t follow her. For the rest of the meal, she kept her gaze on her table. When she rose to leave, she saw that Raven was still there and was relieved when Jim walked to her car.
Two hours after arriving home, a bouquet of flowers were delivered. To her surprise, they were from Seneka. Thinking of you. Neka.
She sent a quick thank you text. He responded with a smiley face with hearts for eyes. She inexplicably thought of Braden, bite the bullet, and called him.
He answered almost immediately. “Hey honey. How are you?”
At the sound of his voice, she fought back tears. “I just...wanted to talk to you.”
“I’m here.”
“I...I’ve really screwed up and I just wanted to talk to someone who...”
“Who loves you?” He suggested when her voice trailed off.
“Braden, I...I...”
“You can tell me anything. I’ll listen and support you without making any judgements.”
She struggled to tell him she’d slept with Raven, but the words wouldn’t come, although the tears did.
“Do you need to see me?”
She longed to see him and have him hug her and tell her everything would be all right. But she couldn’t lose sight of the fact that he was married and had family obligations.
“I can fly to see you,” he offered.
“No. No.” She wiped her tears away. “No. I just wanted to hear your voice.”
“I hope you know that I always have your back. No matter what. Nothing you can say or do would change the fact that I am always going to love you.”
“Thank you.”
“Neida and I are still in Switzerland, but I can make arrangements to fly back to see you.”
“No!”
“You know Neida would understand if that’s what you need.”
“And I love her even more for that, but I just wanted to talk to you. With my dad gone and Hank in Japan, you’re the closest person I have to...to a male who cares about me.”
“I always have and always will, honey.”
“I know.” She sniffed. “I’m sorry to interrupt your vacation. Tell—”
“Oh, sweetie. What can I do to help?”
“No. No. I’m fine.”
“I’ll ask Neka to hop on a plan and—”
The fact that he didn’t mention Raven left no doubt in her mind that he knew the source of her anguish but was waiting for her to broach the subject. “No. No. No! Please. Just talking to you helped.”
“Are you sure? You were there for him when Kelli died and you know he cares too.”
“I know, but it’s you I wanted...needed to talk to.”
“We’ll be here until we fly home for Mother’s Day. After that, I’m flying out to see you and I’m not taking no for an answer.”
“I’ll look forward to seeing you.”
“And if you need to talk to me, you can call me any time and tell me anything.”
She closed her eyes. “You sound as if you already know.”
“Do you want to discuss it?”
“No. Please leave it for now. I just wanted to talk to you without having to actually...admit what I’ve done.”
“Okay. When you’re ready to talk I’ll be ready to listen.”
“Thank you. Give Neida and J.R. my love.”
“I will.”
“Thanks. Bye.”
“Bye sweetie.”
When she hung up, she took a long soak and got into bed. Surprisingly, she dozed off almost immediately and enjoyed a restful night sleep.
RAVEN WAITED A FEW minutes after Kania walk away from him before he returned to his table. When he had, he was aware of Declan’s gaze on him. When they left the restaurant just before eleven, Declan drove, since he’d had a few drinks.
They sat out by the pool. He didn’t want to talk, but knew the sooner he did, the sooner he could kick Declan out. Then he could decide what the hell he was going to do about Kania.
“You know you’re selling your brothers short. You can talk to them, Ray.”
Raven kept his gaze turned skyward. “I know I can talk to them, but I’m not in the mood to be told how I’ve screwed up and how disappointed our father would be.”
“I don’t see that happening.”
“And why the hell not?”
“They know you’re a good man and they know she’s an equally good woman.”
He sat up and turned to glance at Declan, seated beside him. After watching their father’s insistent cheating destroy their mother, Declan and his brothers held a dim view of marital infidelity. “It’s a little strange to hear you advocating for what she insists is plain old everyday adultery.”
“I’m not.”
“But?”
“What works for me and my brothers, is what works for us. We don’t expect others to necessarily make the same choices we do.”
“So you’re encouraging adultery?”
“Never, but sometimes there are extenuating circumstances. I think once you talk to your brothers you will feel less stress. They know you and she are good people with good hearts.”
“By she you mean...”
“Kania. Who else?”
Was there
anyone who didn’t know about his now nonexistent relationship with Kania. “Who else indeed?”
“She’s not happy with him. You’re not happy without her. Talk to your brothers and then...”
“And then what?”
“And then see what happens.”
He tilted his head. “How do you know she’s not happy with him?”
“I’ve met them both. I didn’t get happy vibes from either of them.”
“Are you suggesting that I have a real chance with her?”
He shrugged. “I’m not Croft,” he said of his brother who sometimes had premonitions about possible romantic relationships about the people he knew. “I just know neither of you are happy as things stand. And neither of them are either. Talk to your brothers, Braden in particular. I’m sure you’ll find there’s no need for guilt—as least as far as he’s concerned.”
He nodded. “Okay. I’ll talk to them.”
“Good.” Declan rose. “Then I think I’ll be on my way.”
“Spend the night and leave in the morning.” He stood up too. “I’m going to call my brothers. Oh and when you talk to Croft again, thank him for me. And thank you as well.”
“For?”
“Reminding me that my brothers are my best friends and that there’s nothing I can’t discuss with them.”
Raven undressed and ordered a dozen roses to be sent to Kania in the morning. His only message was his name. Then he went to bed.
On Friday morning, he had breakfast with Declan, spent ninety minutes at the gym, then he called Braden and Neka.
“I need to talk to you, but I don’t need a lecture. I need your support as my older brothers.”
“Should Shay be on the line as well?” Braden asked.
“I’ll call him later, but he already knows what I’m about to confess.”
“We’re listening,” Neka said.
He inhaled slowly and then told them how he’d spent his time in LA and the current state of his relationship with Kania.
Braden spoke after a long pause. “What are you going to do?”
“What can I do? She’s married.”
“So everyone keeps telling me.”
“You sound dismissive.”
“I am dismissive. So what are you going to do?”
“What do you suggest I do, Bray?”