Yours and Yours Alone Page 12

  “I wasn’t there last year, so I promised I’d spent a few days with her. I’m flying home on Saturday night and returning on Wednesday night. And what’s supposed to happen when Hank returns? You think I’m prepared to just walk away?”

  “Will you do that if I beg you to?”

  “I’d do almost anything for you—except give you up.”

  “Will you use condoms for me?”

  “No.”

  “You want him to come home and find me shamelessly pregnant?”

  “That would work for me.”

  “But not for me.”

  “Then you shouldn’t be so quick to flash that ass and part those alluring thighs.”

  “And you should either learn how to cover your donkey dong or keep it in your pants.”

  “Yeah. That’s not going to happen.” He kissed her hand and closed his eyes. “Besides, what are the chances that you’re not already pregnant?”

  Since her period was two days late, she feared or hoped that the chances of her not being pregnant were almost slim to none. “I don’t know, you damn, greedy wolf.”

  “The better to steal you from your undeserving husband.”

  “Would you really marry me?”

  He opened his eyes and gazed into hers. “In a heartbeat.”

  “Too bad I’m already married.”

  “Yeah. That does present a problem. For him, but not me.”

  “Confident bastard.”

  “That’s big-dicked confident bastard to you, sweet ass cheeks.”

  “Maybe I stretched the truth.”

  “About how sweet your ass is?” He shrugged. “I could always ask Braden.”

  She sat up in a panic, jerking her hand from his. “No! You think I want him to know what we’re doing?”

  “He won’t think any less of you.”

  “Of course he will.”

  “You’re not the first woman to be attracted to more than one brother in a family.”

  “Attracted? No. But I slept with him for years, now I’m sleeping with you while I’m still married. Oh, yes he will think badly of me, which is why I didn’t tell him about us when we talked. Please don’t tell him.”

  “He’s going to have to know sooner or later. Sooner is better so he won’t feel betrayed.”

  “Please do not tell him.”

  He sighed and inclined his head. “For now, but I can’t keep this from him much longer without him feeling as if I don’t value his friendship and our brotherly bond.”

  She sighed. “He’s going to think I’m a slut.”

  “No, he will not because you’re not! If you really think that, you clearly don’t know him.”

  “Granted I don’t know him as well as you do, but I do know him intimately.”

  “There’s absolutely no denying that he’s totally in love with and devoted to Neida, but he still loves you. You know that. He’d never think of you in derogatory terms.”

  She sighed. “You’re probably right. I mean he did suggest an affair, but not with you.”

  “We’ve already discussed the fact that while we both value his opinion, he doesn’t get to decide who we sleep with or, in my case, who I love and adore.”

  Who I love and adore. Hearing the words and knowing he meant them thrilled her to her core. She glanced at her phone. “I’d better go get the kids.” She stood up. “Are you coming with?”

  He shook his head and rose. “You go. I’ll stay and start dinner.”

  “I know Braden can cook, but can you?”

  He arched a brow. “We were raised by the same father. Dad loved and adored mom until the day he died. When we were all young, he insisted that we learn to cook so mom wouldn’t be worn out taking care of the needs of five males without the benefit of a daughter to sharing the cooking. I can cook more than breakfast. What are we having?”

  “Spaghetti and meatballs with a garden salad.”

  “With minimum or maximum sauce?”

  “They like it dry with just enough sauce to turn the spaghetti red.”

  “Should I go out for dessert?”

  “No. Rena’s already made a cake and there’s ice cream in the fridge.”

  He walked her to the door and kissed her. “Drive safely, cheré.”

  She rubbed her cheek against his. “I will.”

  AS RAVEN FINISHED THE salad and put it in the fridge, Braden called. He sighed, pressing his fingers against his forehead before he answered. “Hey Bray.”

  “You’ve been avoiding me.”

  “Bray—”

  “Please don’t try to tell me you haven’t. I’ve called you three times during the last week. Each time you responded hours later with a text when you knew I likely wouldn’t be checking my phone. Are you all right?”

  “Not really.”

  “Are you in any physical danger?”

  “No.”

  “Business related?”

  “No.”

  “Ah, well we both know what that leaves. Want to talk about it?”

  “Not at the moment. No.”

  “Then when?”

  “Not now.”

  Braden sighed. “You know you can tell me anything. Don’t you?”

  “Yes. I do.”

  “You should also know that nothing you could do or say would change my opinion of you.”

  Of that he was less certain.

  “Tell me what’s wrong or do you want me to guess?”

  “I want you to respect my right to discuss it in my own time, Braden!” He snapped and immediately regretted it. “I didn’t mean that.”

  “Of course you did.”

  “You’re right. I meant it but it was uncalled for.”

  “You’re damn right it was. Are you in LA?”

  He could imagine the next questions that would end in Braden asking if he’d seen or spoken to Kania. “Yes. I am. Is talking about this another time going to be a problem?”

  “No. I’ll be available when you’re ready to talk. Just don’t leave it too damn long or I’ll jump to the obvious conclusion.”

  “I need you to respect my wishes.”

  Braden laughed. “You mean like you’ve never respected mine? Yeah. Not gonna happen, Chief.”

  Chief was the affectionate nickname Raven, Neka, and Braden called Shane. On the rear instances when Braden or Neka called Raven Chief it was because he’d pissed them off. “Understood.”

  “You annoyed the fuck out of me when you insisted I talk about my romantic problems, but knowing you cared enough to make a nuisance of yourself, helped. That’s all I want to do. Be there for you as you’ve always been for me. I’m your damn brother. Don’t give me any grief because I care if your happy or not.”

  “I know, Bray. Just give me a little time and give Neida and J.R. my love.”

  When they ended the call, he phoned Seneka. “I know it’s been a minute since we spoke, but I just wanted you to know...”

  “That you’re all right?” Neka suggested when he paused.

  “Yes.”

  “Except you’re not. Are you?”

  “Not exactly, but it’s nothing threatening...nothing you need to worry about.”

  “I’m your older brother. I worry when I know something is bothering you, but clearly you’re not ready to discuss it. You know that I’m here for you whenever you need me, Ray. And I hope you know I would never judge you harshly for anything you felt compelled to do.”

  Fuck. Like Braden, Seneka knew. If not for his promise to Kania, it would have been a relief to confess everything. He nodded. “I know, Neka. Thanks.”

  Oh, fuck. What are you doing? He wondered when he and Neka said goodbye. Despite what he’d told Shane, he did feel a level of remorse and guilt for making love to Kania. But after so many years of frustration, he couldn’t make himself do the right thing. He knew his father would have expected him to recover from his behavior and respect the fact that she was married. Trying to cajole her into a divorce without the physical rel
ationship for which he’d yearned for so long, would be as far as his father would have understood.

  And then there was his mother. He could imagine her heartbreak if she knew of his relationship with Kania. While he accepted her assurance that she would welcome the woman he loved into the family, he knew that she would find his behavior as unacceptable as his father would have.

  Still, given his feelings for Kania, he would risk his family’s displeasure for the chance to spend as much time in her life as she’d allow. God willing, she’d come around and divorce Hank. But if she didn’t, he feared he’d be prepared to engage in a clandestine relationship with her if that’s all had to offer.

  When Kania returned home with two girls and a small boy, they spent half an hour in the pool before they had dinner. After dessert, she took the kids inside to get them bathed and into their pajamas. Then they settled down in the family room with the three kids seated between them on a four-seat sofa to watch The Secret Life of Pets 2.

  Afterwards, she took the kids upstairs for bed. She took longer than he suspected she needed to before she finally returned to the living room where he waited.

  “Everyone settled in?”

  She nodded and moved across the room to the bar. “Would you like a drink?”

  He shook his head.

  She hesitated before crossing the room to join him on the sofa.

  He put his arm around her and kissed her cheek.

  She turned on her favorite music streaming app, dimmed the lights, and they listened to music in silence until she stirred and lifted her head from his shoulder. “The kids do not like to get up in the morning, so I’d better say good night.”

  “Before you go, you should know that Braden called this afternoon.”

  “How is he?”

  “He knows.”

  She stiffened. “You promised you wouldn’t tell him.”

  “I didn’t, but he is a graduate of MIT. He can put two and two together and get four. I’ve been avoiding him. He knows you’re not in Japan and he didn’t mention you or ask me to make sure you were okay. Whenever he knows that Shane or I will be back here, he always asks us to check in with you. He knows. As do Neka and Shay. And before you ask, I didn’t tell any of them, but you know we’re all very close. I know them and they know me.”

  She pulled away from him. “What must they think of me?”

  “I can assure you it’s nothing bad.”

  She rose and stared down at him. “How can they think anything good of me knowing I’m married but sleeping with you?”

  Seeing the distress in her gaze helped him hold onto his temper. He took a deep breath and rose to face her. “Let’s make a deal. I’ll spend the next six weeks in the guest room. Please. Start divorce proceeding.”

  She shook her head. “What the fuck is your problem? How many times do I have to tell you that I love him before you’ll believe me? I don’t want a divorce.”

  Because he believed her, the words hurt, and he lost all desire to control his temper. “If you love him so damn much, then what the fuck are you doing sleeping with me? Over and over again?”

  She sucked in a breath and stared at him. For a moment, he half expected her to slap him. Instead, she shook her head. “Being the slut we both clearly think I am. And now, I think you should take your ass somewhere else.”

  He knew she was hurt, but damnit, he had feelings too. Feelings she seemed to have no problem disregarding. He bit back the urge to apologize. “You want me to leave?”

  “I don’t want you to leave, I’m insisting you leave. Tonight. Now.”

  Although fairly certain he could talk her into allowing him to stay, he decided not to. She was clearly determined to remain in her sham marriage. And he felt a need to be with a woman who wouldn’t think of another man while he made love to her. “Fine. I’ll go pack.”

  “Do that and see if I care.”

  “I think you’ve made it abundantly clear that you don’t care. Now I’ll get the fuck out of your house and your life.” He walked from the room and ran up the stairs to the guest room to pack. He was annoyed to find her waiting in the foyer by the door when he was ready to leave. “What’s the matter? Don’t trust me to leave without taking the silverware with me?”

  “Who will you be spending the night with? Tasha or Kia?”

  “Who I spend my nights with is none of your damned business,” he said coldly and jerked open the door. About to walk out he turned back to face her. “But for the last damn time, they’re not prostitutes. I ended it with them. I have no intensions of doing to them what you’ve done to me.”

  “And what the hell is that?”

  “Jerk their chains and treat them like it’s okay to toy with their emotions.”

  “That’s not what I’ve done.”

  “It’s exactly what you’ve done.”

  “If I did—”

  “You did!”

  “It wasn’t intentional.”

  “The hell it wasn’t.”

  “You think I’d intentionally hurt you?”

  “Yes, Kania, I do, considering that’s what you’ve done.”

  She shook her head. “I didn’t mean to. I just—”

  “Save it and spare me any god damned more of your shit. I’ve had enough.”

  “So you’re going to do what? Spend the night with someone else?”

  “Exactly. Good luck trying to save your sad excuse for a marriage.”

  “Raven—”

  “I said save it. I’m done listening to your shit and making excuses for you. You don’t give a fuck about me and it’s time I learned to return the favor.” He walked out. The knowledge that he would startle and maybe frightened the sleeping kids prevented him from taking the satisfaction of slamming the door shut behind him.

  It was time he faced the reality of his situation. He was in love with a woman who loved her husband. He needed to make a greater effort to get over her. After he left her, he stopped at a drugstore for condoms and then drove to a bar that catered to full-figured women and picked up a pretty, ebony beauty for the night. As he fucked her, he ruthlessly dismissed all thoughts of Kania.

  FEELING AS IF HER WORLD was falling apart around her, Kania set the alarm, and went upstairs to her bedroom. She stood in the doorway, recalling the exquisite pleasure she’d experienced there with Raven just hours earlier and couldn’t face sleeping in it alone. Getting a pillow and sheet from the linen closet, she went to the family room, and settled into one of the theater recliners. But the certainty that Raven was spending the night in the arms of another woman kept her awake late into the early morning hours.

  When she did finally fall sleep, she had a nightmare of Hank returning early to find her and Raven in bed. He called her a slutty bitch and told Raven he was welcome to her cheating ass. To her dismay, Raven calmly slipped out of bed, reached for his clothes, and told Hank he’d just been killing time with her.

  They both walked out and left her alone and sobbing.

  Getting the protesting kids out of bed, fed, and dropped off for school and daycare, kept her busy on Monday morning. But back at home, she sat by the pool, trying to tell herself that Raven had done her a favor by walking out. And she had no right to cry because he had. But that knowledge didn’t stop the tears from streaming down her cheeks.

  She felt lost and alone and kept reliving the previous night. Why hadn’t she just accepted that he knew his brothers better than she ever could? Why had she pushed and pushed until she’d driven a wedge between them? And what right did she have to feel betrayed because he had spent the night with another woman?

  She prayed for forgiveness for sleeping with him and for the strength to work to improve her marriage with Hank. She did love him and regretted the hurt he’d feel once she confessed. But she didn’t...she couldn’t regret sleeping with Raven as she faced the third day of her missed period.

  Raven. Where was he and who was he with? Why didn’t he at least text her so she’d know h
e didn’t despise her? Unable to move on until he at least agreed that they could try to be friends again, she texted him.

  Still friends?

  His response was swift and crushing. No. Never again.

  She texted back. I’m sorry.

  SEATED ALONE AT THE pool at Braden and Neida California home on Monday afternoon, Raven felt numb. His night of lust had done nothing to dampen his feelings for Kania. He suspected he could sleep with a harem of willing, beautiful women and still wake up every morning thinking of her and wishing he were with her.

  But damn if he was going to play games with her. He stared at her text. I’m sorry.

  So was he, but no purpose would be served by rushing back to her. She wanted him in her bed, but she didn’t give a fuck about him as a person or how he’d abandoned his principles and self-respect to pursue her. Their relationship had been all about sex for her. He feared...no...knew he was always going to be in love with her, but it was time he at least tried to regain his self-respect.

  He recalled his father telling he and his brothers that no decent, self-respecting man slept with another man’s wife. Although he ached to be with her, he shook his head and sent his response. I don’t care.

  Half an hour later, she sent another text. Forgive me.

  He knew she was probably hurt. He wanted to apologize. If he did, he suspected she would accept it and he would use that as an excuse to pursue her again. And he needed to stop acting like a lovesick teenager with her. It was time to end a relationship he’d had no right to start. He sent a response he hoped would make it clear to her that it was over. Leave me the fuck alone.

  He put down his phone and dove into the pool. He swam until he was exhausted. Then, leaving his phone outside, he went inside to take a nap. When he woke, he showered, dressed, and went out. He had dinner alone and then went to a bar where he picked up another woman and spent the night with her.

  “OH, NIA. I KNEW I SHOULDN’T have let the kids stay overnight. I’m so sorry,” Rena said on the phone when they talked late Monday night after Rena had put the kids to bed.