Yours and Yours Alone Page 6
“I told you what I need.”
“I...can’t.”
“Then don’t try to guilt me into staying and taking cold showers because it’s not going to work.”
“You didn’t have to tell me where you were going and what you were going to be doing.”
“You’d rather I lied to you?”
“Do you know that they discuss...your donkey size cock with other women?”
He laughed and shook his head. “If you’re wondering, I don’t take dick pics, but I don’t care what they discuss with anyone. They give me what I need when I need it without any pretense. Now if there’s nothing else, I have a date.”
“Raven—”
“Don’t ask me to stay. I can’t.”
“Then...go.”
“I will,” he said and turned away.
“Raven?”
He stopped but didn’t turn to face her. “Yes?”
“If you change your mind about coming back tonight or even tomorrow, I’ll leave a spare key under the tenth stone in the rock garden and the alarm code is 0958.”
He sighed and walked back.
She turned away; afraid he’d see the tears glistening in her eyes.
He leaned over her shoulder to speak against her ear. “I don’t want to hurt or distress you, but I’m about to explode. If I stay, I’m afraid I won’t be able to resist the urge to coerce you into something you’re not ready for.”
She turned and pressed her cheek against his shoulder. “You know I have...feelings.”
“For whom?”
She hit her fist against his shoulder. “For you!”
He slipped his arms around her, kissing her neck. “Then let’s do something about it.”
She trembled. “I’m married and I love him. I do.”
He brushed his lips against the corner of her mouth. “He abandoned you, cher.”
“Why can’t you try to understand how I feel?”
“Why can’t you face facts? He’s not here, but I am and...”
“And what?”
He turned her to face him and traced a finger over her lips. “And I adore you. I always have and damn it, you know that. He clearly doesn’t want you, but I do.”
“I already admitted that I have...feelings for you. I always have and—”
“Then why the hell did you marry him?”
“Because I fell in love with him! Why can’t you understand that? I love him but my feelings for you—”
“’Feelings’ don’t do shit for me.”
“Raven—”
“Enough, Kania!” He turned and walked away.
She stood where she was until she heard his car drive away. Then she walked into the living room, started her favorite playlist, and ordered herself not to cry. When she was calm enough, she glanced at her phone. It was 6 p.m., which would be approximately 8 a.m. in Japan. She called Hank. The phone rang several times before he answered. “Kania, I have a meeting and can’t talk long.”
“On Saturday?”
“Yes, on Saturday.”
She sighed. “What the hell is wrong with you? No matter what time I call, you’re busy. We need to talk. I have needs and this separation isn’t working for me.”
“And you think it is for me? You think I want to be here without you?”
“Since you left without me, yeah. I do.”
“Well, I don’t. I married you because I love you.”
“Then why the hell won’t you trust me when I tell you there’s nothing but friendship between me and Braden?”
“Have you seen him?”
“No, I have not!”
“When are you seeing him?”
“I’m not seeing him! He’s happily married with a wife who is carrying his second child.”
“Yeah, well at least he has a wife willing and eager to give him children.”
She sucked in a breath. “You think I don’t want children?”
“It’s been nine months since we lost the baby and—”
“We may have lost it, but I was the one who carried it in my body for three months before...just because I wasn’t ready to try again in two or three months, didn’t mean I don’t still want a baby.”
“Are you saying you’re ready to try again?”
“Yes! I am! Aren’t you?”
“Yes—as soon as you see Braden.”
“See him and do what?”
“You need to get him out of your system so we can move on with our lives.”
“He’s in his wife’s system. Not mine.”
“Have a fling with him. Get it over with and then we can—”
“He’s in love with his wife. For the love of God, he has even less sexual interest in me than I have in him. Even if I wanted to sleep with him, and I don’t, he wouldn’t be interested. I’m in love with you. He loves her as you claim to love me.”
“I don’t just claim to love you.”
“Then why the hell are you leaving me here alone at the mercy of other...available men?”
“You’re my wife, Kania. You swore a vow of fidelity to me and I expect you to keep it—as I’m keeping mine.”
“How can I keep it and sleep with Braden?”
“I’ll make a painful exception in his case because I can’t share you with him anymore. And if you love me there’s no need to cling to his pictures and—”
“You know what? Screw you, Hank!” She snapped and ended the call. When his ring tone sounded on her phone, she let the call to go to voicemail.
Minutes later she received an email from Raven. She took a sip of wine before she read it.
Cheré,
I know that the death of your father, followed by the loss of the baby has made the last year a stressful and painful one. And I fear that I just added to your burden.
I know what you need from me now is friendship. That’s the only thing I should have offered. I can be thoughtless and selfish, but you are dearer to me than you know.
I’ll try to work out my most egregious personality flaws and see you in two weeks. That is, if I’ll still welcome to return. If you need me or if there’s anything I can do before then, call and I’ll be there as soon as possible. Hoping we’re still friends,
Raven
She read it twice with tears in her eyes before she sent a one-word reply. Always.
Thirty minutes later, a beautiful boutique of roses arrived. She looked at the card.
Always, Raven.
An hour later as she sat on the patio, trying to convince herself to eat a salad, her phone pinged. Picking it up, she saw a text message from Braden’s wife, Oneida. After attending their wedding, Kania and Neida had become friends and generally reached to each other many times during the year. When she miscarried, Neida and spent hours crying with her and sharing in her grief.
How’s weather in Japan?
She sighed and realized it was probably time she told them the truth. Don’t know. Hanks’s there. I’m still in LA
An hour later, Braden called. “Hey, honey, how are you?”
They hadn’t talked since he and Oneida had called to wish her a safe trip to Japan, four and a half months earlier. Hearing his voice reminded her of the times she used to sit and wait for his call when he was away on business. Long after their physical relationship ended, she still found the sound of his warm, deep baritone comforting. “Not so good.”
“Neida told me Hank’s in Japan without you. When are you joining him?”
“No time soon.”
“What happened?”
“I really don’t want to talk about—”
“Oh, come on, honey. We’ve known each other too long and been through too much and come out on the other side as friends. Don’t put up unnecessary fences between us. What happened?”
“We had an argument and he left without me.”
“After you gave up a job that pays nearly twice what his does?”
“It wasn’t about the money.”
“The
n what was the source of the disagreement?”
“The usual,” she admitted.
“Oh, fuck that. Not me again.”
“It’s nearly always you.”
“What the fuck is his problem? He came to our wedding. He’s met Neida. What part of our friendship has no damned benefits attached to it does he not understand?”
“I don’t know. I’m just thankful that Neida knows that a man and a woman can remain friends after a relationship ends, or he’d have her thinking she had cause to worry. Where is she?”
“She’s skyping with Adam,” he said.
Her relationship with Adam was the source of her understanding and acceptance of Kania’s and Braden’s friendship. Adam had been Neida’s first love. She ended their engagement when he left the country to teach in Africa. After Braden’s initial jealousy, he and Adam had become friends. In addition to making annual contributions to the school where Adam taught it, Braden also funded his yearly six-week trip home to visit his parents and Neida.
“How is he?”
“Adam’s always busy.”
“The next time to speak to him, give him my regards.”
“I will, but you’re my main concern now. Neida and I are scheduled to fly to Switzerland in a few days. I’ll make arrangements to stop and see you first.”
“Oh, Braden, that’s sweet, but unnecessary.”
“Why don’t you join us?”
“Neida’s not that understanding that she’d want me to tag along on your vacation.”
“Her mother is coming as well and it was Neida who suggested I invite you so you’d be more than welcome.”
“Thanks, but—”
“It’s been too long since we saw you. And frankly, we miss you. I miss you.”
“I miss you both.”
“Then you’ll come?”
“Of course not.”
“How can I enjoy myself when you’re not okay?”
“I’m not great, but I’m okay. Please don’t worry about me.”
“You know what I’d like to do?”
“I think I’d prefer not to know.”
“I’ll tell you anyway: fly to Japan for the sole purpose of putting my foot up Hank’s ass.”
“Oh yeah. That will really convince him there’s nothing between us.”
He laughed and then sighed. “What can I do to help?”
“You’re doing it—caring enough to call.”
“You know that I love you. Right?”
She nodded. “And I love you, which is why I don’t want you dropping everything and flying out here every time I get my feelings hurt.”
“You have a right to be hurt. He walked out on you.”
She shook her head. “Why the hell does everyone keep insisting he walked out on me?”
“Probably because he did and who is everyone?”
“Rena, Cari, my friends...you.”
“And you think we’re all wrong?”
She sighed.
“What brought on his latest brain freeze? It’s because of his insecurity that I don’t call more.”
“When we decided to go to Japan, I thought I’d rent out Dad’s house. So when we went to clean it out, we found pictures that I’d given to Dad to hold when Hank and I got serious.”
“Pictures of us?”
“Yes. He was angry because I’d let him think that I threw them away. I was going to, but then...I couldn’t. I know it’s silly, but—”
“No, it’s not silly. We were friends before and after we were lovers. And I didn’t throw mine out either.”
“What happened to them?”
“Mom had them for a while and then Neida and I discussed it. Now we have them in an album, along with pictures of her and Adam. We’re secure enough in our love for each other that neither of us is threatened by knowing we were each deeply in love before we met and fell for each other. I didn’t throw mine out, but you should throw yours out.”
“Why?”
“Because keeping them is not worth your marriage. Throw them out or send them to us and we’ll keep them.”
She shook her head. “No. They’re part of my memories. We shared some...a lot... many years of good times together.”
“Yes. We did.”
“And I cherish those memories.”
“As do I.”
“Then why should I have to pretend we didn’t and pretend that I no longer care about you when I knew and loved you long before he and I met?”
“Do you know what you should do?”
“What?”
“Return the favor and leave him.”
“I love him.”
“If memory serves, you were in love with me too, but that didn’t stop you from kicking my ass to curb. It’s time to do the same with him. You deserve to be with a man who loves you enough not to walk away just because you don’t allow him to dictate how you handle your memories. What the fuck does he expect you to do for intimacy for two years?”
“I have a collection of BOBs.”
He scoffed. “Yeah. Like they’re going to keep you happy.”
“They get the job done.”
“So I hear, but I know you well enough to know that you like emotion and commitment with the love making.”
And that was one of the reasons she was still so fond of him. Even though he was in love with Neida, he still referred to their relationship in turns of love making instead of having sex or fucking. In addition, having been her lover for so long, he knew how much she craved intimacy with sex. “What else am I supposed to do?”
“If you’re determined not to divorce his ass, take a damn lover.”
She laughed. “Yeah. Right.”
“I’m serious, Kania. Find yourself a man to keep you warm at night.”
“You’re encouraging me to cheat? Like my mother?”
“Maybe you’re selling her short.”
“Selling the woman short who left her husband with an eight-month old baby when she got pregnant by another man? The same woman who rejected all my efforts to get to know her—even after she lost her lover’s baby? The woman who thought that leaving me money when she died would somehow compensate for the lack of maternal love I would have craved all my life if not for Rena’s mom treating me like another daughter? That woman? No. I don’t think so.”
“I know she hurt you deeply, but doesn’t the fact that your dad always spoke positively about her mean something?”
“Yes. That he was too good for her.”
“Or that he came to understand why she left. Sometimes people fall out of love, Kania. Maybe she fell out of love with your dad and in love with the other man. That didn’t necessarily make her a bad person any more than your taking a lover will make you one. Your mother had a right to be happy and so do you, honey. Find someone who makes you happy and let him love you.”
With her thoughts turning to Raven, she closed her eyes. “I am so torn and struggling with my needs and feelings. So, please don’t encourage me to cheat, Braden.”
He inhaled slowly. “There’s someone you’re interested in?”
“Yes.”
He was silent for so long that she feared when he spoke again he’d ask her who had garnered her interest. “Good. Tell Hank to keep his sorry ass in Japan and go for it. What can I do to help?”
“Getting involved with him would complicate both our lives.”
“Is he married?”
“No.”
“Engaged, in a committed relationship, or living with another woman?”
“No.”
“Does he know you’re married?”
“Yes.”
“Does he care?”
“He should, but he doesn’t.”
“Good. Go for it.”
“Oh, Braden.”
“If you need advice or just want to talk about landing his ass, I’m always here for you, honey.”
She closed her eyes on a flood of tears. “I do love you, Braden.”
“I know and just so there’s no misunderstanding, I would have eventually proposed.”
“But aren’t you glad I got tired of waiting, leaving a slippery but clear path to your heart for Neida?”
He laughed. “Yes. I am.”
“I’m fairly sure Neida’s glad I kicked your ass to the curb too.”
“Yes. She is.”
She smiled. “Give her my love and kiss J.R. for me.”
“I will. Good night, honey.”
“Good night, Braden.”
Although nothing in her life had changed, the call with Braden lifted her spirits. Just as she was about to go up to bed, a beautiful jade plant arrived. She read the card.
We love you. J.R, Neida, and Braden.
FOUR DAYS AFTER LEAVING Kania, Raven woke in bed with a pretty, naked full-figured woman sprawled across his nude body. He sighed, finally admitting that he’d screwed up. As usual, the sex with Kia had been extremely satisfying. But it had not touched his emotions. He liked her. He enjoyed raunchy sex with her, but he would never love her. And thankfully, he knew the feeling was mutual.
He eased from under her and went into the bathroom to take a quick shower. When he returned to the bedroom, with a towel wrapped around his waist, she was awake and sprawled against the pillows. She kicked the bedsheets down to her calves, revealing her splendor.
Damn, there was nothing as alluring as a pretty, dark-skinned woman with a round belly, a big, luscious ass, and a sexual hunger that matched his.
She parted her thighs, providing a sensual view of her pussy. “Going somewhere, lover?”
He’d already told her he was ending their arrangement so that he could pursue an exclusive relationship. Although neither she nor Tasha had asked who he wanted to see, he had a feeling they both knew. “I should probably go.”
She reached under her pillow to retrieve a condom. “One for the road?”
As he hesitated, she rubbed her clit and pinched her nipples. “Miss Greedy Kitty is wet and ready for one last fuck.”
He inhaled, thought of how long he’d probably have to wait before he could make love to Kania and weakened. Tossing the towel aside, he crossed the room to tumble onto the bed and between her legs.
As they kissed, she gripped his ass and rubbed her pussy against him until his cock hardened. Then she slipped the condom on him, pressed his shaft against her slit, and pushed her hips off the bed.