Carae's Touch (Long Line of Love, #4) Read online

  He inhaled slowly. Losing her didn't hurt as much as it used to because of Carae who made him long to love again. He lay back, closed his eyes, and slept.

  * * *

  Sheenea. Wake up. Please.

  Carae came awake with a start in a moonlit room. It took her a moment to realize she was in bed alone and what had awakened her.

  Sheenea. He needs you. Go to him.

  "If you're going to wake me up, the least you can do is remember my name. It's Carae. Not Shee...whatever you called me."

  Sheenea. It's an endearment the Grayhawks use for the special women in their lives. I've mentioned it to you before.

  "Whatever. What do you want now?"

  He needs you.

  "Did you ever stop to think or care about what I might need?"

  If you love him as I think you do, then I know you need him. There's no conflict except the ones you make.

  "I make? Excuse me? I'm not the one who refuses to talk about my past or who keeps insisting we're incompatible all while wanting unprotected sex."

  If you weren't important to him, he'd use protection.

  "So he claims."

  I need you to tell him that what happened to me wasn't his fault.

  "Tell him yourself."

  I would if I could. Your happiness with him may depend on your telling him that he misunderstood what I was trying to say when I died.

  "He doesn't want to discuss you."

  Insist that he listen to what you have to say. But before you do, love him as only you can.

  "If you think you can convince me to—"

  I'm not trying to convince you of anything you don't already know or believe. You know he needs you. Go to him. Love him. Not because I ask you to, but because you want to.

  She couldn't argue with the truthfulness of the statements because she did want to. Sighing, she rose.

  Before you go, I need you to find the right moment to tell him something very important.

  "No."

  Please. I'm not asking for myself. I'm asking for him and for you. Tell him and I think it will make a difference in his willingness to open up to you and admit how deeply he loves you.

  "If he loves me, why won't he just come out and say it?"

  He loves you but he needs your understanding.

  "Just how long are you planning to haunt me?"

  I'm not haunting you. I'm trying to help him and you.

  "Help me? I don't think so."

  You're wrong. I do want to help you because I know he loves and needs you. I want him to be happy and I know he'll be happy with you. When he is, I can finally rest in peace. I can't do that while he's still miserable and hurt. You can make him happy and content. Go to him and tell him he misunderstood me. Please do it for all our sakes.

  Chapter Eleven

  "Sweetie? Wake up, sweetie."

  Brandon woke to find Carae straddling him on the moonlit balcony. He frowned. "What's wrong? Did I wake you? Was I having another nightmare?"

  "No. You didn't wake me."

  "What are you doing out here, Carae?"

  She stroked a hand down his bare chest. "What are you doing out here?"

  "Sleeping."

  "Why?" She reached behind her to place a hand over his cock and balls.

  He removed her hand and held it in his. "You said you didn't want any intimacy."

  "That didn't mean I wanted to sleep alone. I didn't. In fact, I'm not in the mood to sleep at all now." Pulling her hand free, she massaged his cock and balls.

  He inhaled slowly. "And I'm not in the mood to play games with you, Carae. First you don't want sex and now you do? Why don't you tell me what you want in plain English?"

  "I want what I have from the moment we met...you...intimately."

  "That's not what you said earlier."

  "Earlier? You want to talk about earlier when you had sex with me and then slept so long I thought I'd killed you?"

  He shook his head. "I'm sorry if I frightened you, but I didn't have sex with you. I made love to you. You're old enough to know the difference."

  She took his hand and placed it on her breasts. "Why don't you demonstrate the difference for me? You say you made love to me earlier. Why not have sex with me this time?"

  "Because it's never just sex with you, Carae. You're far more than just a warm, willing body to me. You always have been and you always will be."

  "Oh...Brandon...sometimes you make me feel so special to you."

  "You are very special to me."

  "Show me." She leaned down, pressing her breasts against his chest. "I need every hard inch of you inside of me," she whispered against his mouth.

  He cupped a hand over her hair and kissed her slowly, taking the time to savor the taste, texture, and feel of her warm, moist lips. Sliding his other hand down her back, he slipped it under her nightgown, allowing him to palm her firm, round cheeks.

  Rotating her lower body so that her ass rubbed against his groin, she sucked at his tongue for several sweet moments before abruptly pulling away.

  If she'd changed her damned mind again...He opened his eyes as she slipped her hands into his bottoms and drew out his cock.

  She looked up at him seconds before rubbing her cheek against him.

  Oh damn. With his cock only inches from her lips, his heart beat increased.

  She kissed the head of his shaft before slowly swirling her tongue around it. Trailing the tips of her nails around his balls, she gently drew the head of his shaft into her mouth.

  Oh...fuck. It had been nearly four years since he'd felt the lips of a woman he loved wrapped around his cock. The first sweet sucking motions of her mouth inflamed his senses and totally enchanted him.

  He closed his eyes, losing himself in the pure enjoyment of her mouth and tongue working a sweet magic on him. As she drew him in deeper and sucked with increased fervor, he felt his climax rapidly building. Along with the pleasure, came a closeness he'd never experienced before. A surge of guilt stabbed through him as he admitted what he felt surpassed anything he'd experienced with Rissa.

  Seconds before he was ready to come, he released his grip on her head and attempted to withdraw from her mouth. She endeared herself to him further by gripping his hips, drawing him back between her lips, and holding him there as he shot burst after burst of seed against her tongue.

  When he realized she'd started to gag, he eased his hips back and slumped against the lounger. He lay still for a few moments, taking slow, deep breaths, while trying to shake off a feeling of total elation. She lay in his arms with her lips against his ear, her heart thumping.

  He inhaled slowly, pulling her close. "Damn...give me a few moments and then I'll return the favor."

  She shook her head. "No. The only thing I need you to do for what's left of the night is hold me. I didn't really expect to like sucking you, but I did and that's all the satisfaction I need for now. Let's go back to bed so I can fall asleep in your arms."

  Although he felt so sated, he longed to fall asleep on the balcony, he urged her to her feet and got to his. Taking her hand in his, he led her back to his bedroom. They tumbled into bed together. Holding her cradled on his chest, he struggled to stay awake until her deep, even breathing told him she slept peacefully.

  He woke just after dawn, took his cell phone onto the balcony, and called Layton. "I know it's early and you usually spend Sundays at home, but I really need to talk to you sometime today if you can manage it."

  "Benai and Randy are coming over to spend the day," he said of Randall's wife and son. "I'll be free after breakfast. Do you want to come here or shall I come see you?"

  "Carae is here."

  "Why not come for lunch? I'm sure Tempest and Benai will be happy to keep her company while we talk."

  "Thanks."

  "Do you need to talk to me solo or—"

  As a family, the Grayhawks didn't generally keep secrets. "I don't mind if some of the others are there."

  "I'll see you
both around one or so?"

  "Yes."

  After he hung up, he went back to bed and fell asleep next to Carae.

  * * *

  Carae woke just after seven the next morning feeling conflicted. She longed to wake Brandon and tell him what Rissa had asked her to. Instead, she went into the living room to call Caren. She listened with an aching heart as Caren told her they'd just learned that she couldn't get pregnant. "Oh, Ren. I'm so sorry. What can I do to help?"

  "At this point, there's not much anyone can do except pray for a miracle."

  Hearing the pain in Caren's voice, made her ache. She shook her head. "Actually, I can do a little more than that."

  Caren was silent for several moments. "If you mean what I think you do—"

  Carae took a deep breath. "I do."

  "I can't ask you to do that."

  "You haven't asked. I'm volunteering."

  "Are you forgetting that Alan is an old-fashioned guy who insists that a baby should be conceived in what he calls the only natural way? That's something I can't do."

  "But it's something I can do...if you're both willing."

  "What about Brandon? Surely he'd object."

  "He has no standing to object. If you two can handle it, I'll do it."

  Caren was silent and Carae could almost envision her sister shaking her head. "I think asking you two to make love would be asking too much. I—"

  "Making love? Oh, no. I didn't say anything about our making love. I said I'd be willing to have sex with him."

  "That's what I said."

  "Oh, no, I wouldn't let Alan make love to me. But to help you, I'd have sex with him."

  "And what's the difference?"

  "The difference? Oh, there's a world of difference between the two. When a man makes love, he wants to linger and dive deep, exploring all your nooks and crannies before filling them to the point that they're overflowing with his seed. And when it's over, he likes to linger inside you, kissing and touching you and whispering to you, sending chills of delicious aftershocks all through you until he finally deflates and slips out of you. But even then he holds you and caresses you until you fall asleep, more in love with him than ever.

  "But when a man has sex with you, all he's interested in is getting in, busting a nut, pulling out and rolling over and falling asleep. That's what I'd be willing to let Alan do to help you. The other experience I reserve for Brandon and Brandon alone."

  "Damn, Rae, this Brandon is a lucky guy."

  If only he thought so. "So is Alan. Think about it and discuss it with Alan to see if that's something you two can handle."

  "Even if it is, you're otherwise occupied right now."

  She glanced down at her stomach. "I meant in about eighteen months or so."

  "I really appreciate the offer, but I'd be very surprised if Brandon didn't have a problem with any kind of intimacy with another man."

  "As I said, he doesn't have any standing to object."

  "I don't think you should make any plans until you know how things work out between you and Brandon, but I love you so much for your offer."

  "Well, think about it and let me know."

  "I will, but I don't see Alan agreeing and I actually like that he probably won't agree."

  "Well, the offer stands."

  "Thanks. Now, let's discuss you. Have you told Mom and Dad yet?"

  "I know I should have, but I hate knowing how disappointed they're going to be."

  "Well, now that they know all their grandkids will have to come from you, I think they'll be less disappointed than they ordinarily would have been."

  "I think I'll wait a week or two so they don't have too many shocks to deal with."

  "If you need me, call me."

  "And you." She glanced at her watch. "I'm going to go shower and dress before I wake Brandon."

  "Give him a long, moist kiss for me."

  "Don't you wish?"

  "Love you, Rae."

  "Love you more, Ren."

  They made a kissing sound and ended the conversation.

  * * *

  Brandon slept until Carae woke him just after eight with a kiss and coffee.

  He put the cup on the bedside table and pulled her down into his arms. "Have I told you lately how much I adore you?"

  She smiled. "You keep saying it enough and I just might start to believe you. Now why don't you get up and shower while I cook breakfast?"

  "I talked to Layton earlier this morning. We're invited to lunch. Interested?"

  "Not really, but if you want me to, I'll go."

  "If you'd rather not—"

  "It's not that I'd rather not. I was just hoping we could spend the day alone."

  "We can do that. I'll call Layton and reschedule."

  "No. I guess it won't kill me to share you with them for a few hours." She kissed him quickly. "I'm going back to finish breakfast. I'll expect you in the kitchen in twenty minutes."

  "I'll be there," he said and slipped out of bed. Fifteen minutes later, he walked into the kitchen and embraced her. Pressing his lips against her neck, he slid his hands over her breast, down to her belly, and stiffened.

  "What's the matter?"

  He inhaled slowly, feeling a faint pulsing against the palms placed on her stomach.

  "Sweetie?"

  He turned her to face him, staring down into her eyes. "Carae?"

  She frowned. "What's wrong?"

  "Is there something you want to tell me?"

  "You mean other than that breakfast is ready?"

  "Yes. Other than that."

  She shook her head after a noticeable hesitation. "Nope."

  He blew out a breath and stepped away from her.

  "What is it, Brandon? What's wrong?"

  He shook his head. "I don't know."

  While she ate, he pushed his food around his plate and made a conscious choice not to reach out and grip her hand in an effort to strip the knowledge he wanted from her against her will.

  "Why do you keep staring at me like that?" She asked suddenly, putting her fork down.

  "Like what?"

  She shrugged. "I don't know...like you're...I don't know. I just know it's not an I-find-you-so-totally-fascinating-that-I-can't-stop-looking-at-you stare."

  He shook his head. "Actually I do find you totally fascinating and can't stop looking at you. I also can't believe you're brave enough to still want a relationship with me."

  She smiled and reached across the table to squeeze his hand. "I do. More than you know."

  "I'll know if you tell me, Carae."

  She removed her hand from his. "I think I've made enough admissions for several months to come, Brandon."

  He sighed. "Look, I know I haven't made things easy for you, but—"

  "That's an understatement if ever I heard one."

  He nodded. "I know, but, I really do want and need you in my life."

  "And clearly I want to be in your life, Brandon."

  "So we're on the same page?"

  She shook her head. "Not until you can talk about her to me."

  "Carae..."

  "If you can't do that, how can I not feel that I'm a poor substitute for her and that you're settling for me because you can't have her?"

  "That's not true. You're not a substitute for anyone."

  "Prove it, Brandon. Tell me about her. I know it's difficult for you to talk about, but I think I've been fairly patient and if you don't think our relationship is worth some discomfort, do we really have a relationship worth working on?"

  "Carae—"

  She shook her head and held up her hand. "You don't have to answer now, but I am going to want some demonstrative proof soon of how you say you feel about me. I'm sorry if you think I'm being unreasonable, but—"

  "I don't think that. It's just that...it's hard."

  "I know, but I need you to make me believe that I'm worth a little hardship." She got up and walked inside, leaving him alone on the balcony with his hopes over
shadowed by the fear of losing her because he couldn't overcome the guilt and pain of losing Rissa.

  He knew she had a legitimate gripe, but he also knew he wasn't ready to talk about his relationship with Rissa because she'd want to know what went wrong. Once she knew that, she probably wouldn't trust him with her heart. And he wanted and needed her heart more than he would have thought possible.

  After several minutes of struggling to control his thoughts and feelings, he followed her inside.

  "I need to make a quick run. Will you wait for me?"

  She hesitated and then nodded. "Yes."

  "I'll be back as quick as I can," he said, kissed her cheek, picked up his key fob, and left. Seated in his car, he called Lelia. "I need a favor. Are you free?"

  "When?"

  "Now. I need you to come with me to Jewelers Row."

  "Oh?"

  "I want you to help me to pick out something for Carae."

  "For Carae?"

  "Yes."

  "Something special as in a ring?"

  "Yes. Are you free?"

  "Absolutely, but I need you to know that I didn't have any ulterior motives when I invited her to the party. I had no idea the two of you would...I wasn't matchmaking."

  "I never thought that you were, Lelia."

  "Ok. Ah, give me 30 or 40 minutes and I'll be ready."

  "I'll see you soon," he said.

  When he returned home nearly three hours later, he and Carae left for Layton's and Tempest's house. Once there, Tempest and Benai whisked Carae away to see the kids while he went down to the pool room where Layton, Bancroft, and Declan waited.

  * * *

  "I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but it's happened again."

  Layton looked up from the pool table. "What's happened again? Falling in love when you didn't want or expect to?"

  "No."

  Bancroft exchanged a quick look with Layton and Declan before arching an eyebrow. "No? Surely you're beyond refusing to admit you're in love with her."

  He signed. "That's not what I ...I meant she's pregnant...like Rissa."

  Bancroft frowned. "Why isn't that a good thing?"

  He shrugged and then shook his head. "It would be...if it were mine."

  The other three stared at each other in silence before Bancroft spoke. "Did she say you weren't the father?"