Yours and Yours Alone Read online

  “Pursue her.”

  Braden’s response surprised him. “Are you really comfortable suggesting I pursue a married woman?”

  “No,” Braden answered. “But what’s the alternative? You spend another 10 or more years eating your heart out for her?”

  “You’ve been very quiet, Neka. Surely you don’t agree?”

  “I’ve been lucky enough to marry the only two women I’ve ever been in love with, so I really don’t feel qualified to offer advice. However, I remember all too well the despair I felt between the time that Kelli died and when I met and fell in love with Autumn. I hate that you’re feeling that level of devastation now.”

  “So you’re suggesting I pursue her too?”

  “I know you’re an honorable man with good intentions. I suggest you follow the dictates of your heart and encourage her to follow hers. And remember, it’s not as if you’re interfering in a happy, stable marriage. He walked out on her.”

  “Except she insists he didn’t walk out of her.”

  “Yeah, well, he did,” Braden and Neka spoke at the same time.

  “So let the consequences be on him,” Braden said. “He had his chance and he blew it. You deserve to be happy. Go for it.”

  “Believe me, I’d love to take your advice, but I can’t.”

  “Why the hell not?”

  “I told her to leave me the fuck alone.”

  “And?” Neka prodded. “People in love say lots of things they don’t mean when they’re hurt and angry. And the people they’re in love with know that and forgive them.”

  “Besides,” Braden added. “Look at all the shit she took from me.”

  “Yeah, but the difference is that she was in love with you, Bray.”

  “I have news for you, Ray. I don’t think she would have slept with you if she weren’t in love with you.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  “Yeah, I kind of do. I think we can all agree that between the two of us, I know her far better than you do. Now I’m not saying she doesn’t still have feelings for Hank, but she’s not in love with him. I think there’s a good chance that she’s in love or close to being in love with you.”

  “And you’d be okay with that?”

  “Why wouldn’t I be?”

  “I don’t know. I just thought...you might feel as if I had betrayed you.”

  “Then think again. I’ve always known you were interested in her. I just wish you’d made a move sooner.”

  “Like when? When you two broke up, you were devastated. Hell, you were still in love with her when she married Hank. When could I have made a move without feeling I was disloyal to you?”

  “First, we didn’t break up. She kicked my ass to the curb, and rightly so. But any time before she married him would have been the time to make your move.”

  He shook his head. “I couldn’t because I knew you were still in love with her and I couldn’t do that to you.”

  Braden sighed. “Oh, fuck! I have a lot to answer for. Some of them is my fault.”

  “None of it’s your fault, Bray.”

  “Yeah, it kind of is. I knew you wanted her and when she kicked my ass to the curb, I should have encouraged you to pursue her.”

  “I wanted to, but I couldn’t. Not only were you still in love with her, but hell, she was still in love with you when she ended it with you. As long as I knew you were in love with her, it would have felt like I was stabbing you in the back. And I could never do that.”

  “Oh, fuck! I cannot tell you how sorry I am that your loyalty to me kept you from expressing your feelings for her. But I think you’ve wasted enough time. He was foolish enough to leave an opening for you. Take it.”

  “Can you imagine what Dad would think?”

  “I know you think Dad would be disappointed, but I’m not so sure he would,” Neka said.

  “And even if he would, you have a right to be happy,” Braden said. “And you know he wanted each of us to fall in love with a woman and love her as deeply and devotedly as he loved mom. Neka and I have been fortunate enough to fall in love twice. But you might be like Dad, a man who loves only once with all his heart and emotions. She might be that one-woman for you. And you really can’t do any better than her.”

  “Can’t I?”

  “Considering that both Autumn and Neida are already taken? No, you can’t,” Neka said, sounding amused. “So go win her and marry her.”

  Raven blew out an audible breath. “I’m sorry, guys.”

  “About?”

  “I should have called before, but I thought you’d both condemn my actions and she was afraid you’d think badly of her.”

  “Granted, I’ll admit that I wished she weren’t married, Ray, but I know you’re both good people. And sometimes good people have to do what they have to do. You both have my support.”

  “And mine,” Braden added.

  “Now I just have to get her to give me another chance.”

  “I know I don’t have to tell you that she’s well worth any effort you have to make to win her.”

  “She is.”

  “Then go and grovel like there’s no tomorrow because if you feel about her as I think you do, there’s no happy tomorrow without her.”

  And that was the damned problem. No matter how many women he’d fucked over the years, none had been equal to the task of making him forget her. After each encounter, no matter how physically satisfying, he was still in love with Kania. And unfortunately, he didn’t see that changing anytime soon.

  AFTER A FRIDAY MORNING spent running errands for church members, Kania treated herself to an afternoon at her favorite spa. She arrived home to find Raven seated in his rental car outside her house. Her heart raced with joy. She shook off the urge to rush forward and burrow into his arms. Instead, she ignored him and opened her front door.

  “Kania?”

  She turned to face him.

  “Can I talk to you?”

  She shook her head.

  “Please.”

  “You basically told me to fuck off and then apologized. I accepted your apology. I think we’re already said everything we needed to.”

  “That may be truth in your case, but not mine. Please. I really need to talk to you.”

  “Fine. Talk.”

  He grimaced. “I was hoping we could talk inside.”

  “Why? What are you going to say inside that you can’t say out here?”

  He sighed. “I was hoping not to have to grovel in public.”

  “There’s no need to grovel in public or private. I accepted your apology. What more do you want?”

  “What I’ve wanted from the moment we met—for you to feel even a quarter of what I feel for you. I know I fucked up and said shit you’re going to have a hard time forgiving me for...”

  “But?”

  “But I’m sorry and I just need another chance.”

  “The only thing that’s changed between now and Sunday when you left is that you’ve probably been screwing other women non-stop.” And her period was six days late. A pregnancy test she’d taken two days earlier had come back negative. But she had a feeling she’d get a different result in another few days.

  He narrowed his gaze. “You almost make that sound as if I’d have been cheating—if I had.”

  “There’s no damned if about it, Elkhorn. We both know how you’ve been spending your damn nights.”

  “Does that bother you?”

  “Yes,” she admitted.

  “Then we have a basis for discussion.”

  “No, then we have nothing to talk about because you haven’t denied you’re been fucking around with other women.”

  “I told you that I wasn’t going to spend my time taking cold showers.”

  She stared at him. “You couldn’t keep it in your damned pants for five fucking days?”

  He ran a hand through his hair. “Would it help if I admitted that I’d screwed up...again?”

  “No, it would not. You�
��re free to screw who the hell you want, Elkhorn.”

  “Does that include you?”

  “I went against everything that I believed in for you and the first time we have a disagreement, you walk out and go sleep with other women.”

  “You ordered me out.”

  “And you made no effort to change my mind.”

  “Are you implying I shouldn’t take you at your word?”

  How like a damned lawyer to twist her words to suit himself. “I’m not implying anything. I’m telling you you’re not worth anymore of my damned time.”

  “Kania—”

  “You want to screw other women? Go knock yourself out. I have nothing else to say to you and I’m done listening to you.”

  When she turned away, he reached out and caught her hand.

  She jerked it away. “Do I need to tell you to leave me the fuck alone?”

  “You said you forgave me for that.”

  “Doesn’t mean I forgot you wrote it.”

  He inhaled slowly. “What do you want me to do? You want me to beg?”

  “What I wanted was for you to keep it in your damned pants!”

  “Well, I didn’t! So what now? You refuse to forgive me—driving me back into another woman’s arms?”

  “Go do whatever the hell you want, Elkhorn.” She walked inside and closed the door in his face. Bastard! Yes, he was single. Yes, that meant he could fuck around as much as he liked. But it didn’t mean she had to forgive him and take him back into her bed.

  Chapter Ten

  RAVEN SENT TWO DOZEN roses later that night as she was on her way out to dinner. She tossed them into the trash and got in her car. After a solo meal at her favorite restaurant, she returned home and called Hank to confess.

  “So there was something left between the two of you after all,” he said.

  She closed her eyes. “I told you Braden’s in love with his wife. He and I are nothing more than friends.”

  “You’re not going to convince me that if something happened to his jailbait wife that he wouldn’t be trying to get you back and...what? Wait. If you didn’t sleep with him, who did you sleep with?”

  “It wasn’t Braden.”

  “So you said! What you didn’t say is who you slept with and why?”

  “It was Raven.”

  “Raven? Raven...Elkhorn? His brother?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why? Because you couldn’t have him?”

  “No! I told you there’s nothing romantic between Braden and I.”

  “Then why the hell would you sleep with his brother, Kania?”

  She felt guilty and wanted to scream at him that he was at fault for leaving her behind, but felt that was no excuse for infidelity. “I was lonely and he...was there.”

  “Is he the only one?”

  Oh, God. Now he was going to think she was a slut. “Yes, damnit!”

  “Is it over?”

  “He doesn’t want it to be, but I told him to leave.”

  “Did he?”

  “Yes.”

  “And are you over him?”

  “I made a big mistake with him, but—”

  “How many mistakes did you make with him? Did it happen more than once?”

  “Yes.”

  “How many times?”

  “I...I lost count.”

  “That many times?”

  She sucked in a breath. “Yes.”

  “Did you at least use protection?”

  She bit her lip and shook her head.

  “Kania? Did you make him use protection?”

  “No.”

  “You...let him fuck you raw more times than you can count?”

  Oh, God. He made it sound just as it had been—sinful and sordid. “I’m sorry.”

  “Exactly what are you sorry about? That you strayed? Are you sorry it’s over?”

  “I...”

  “I need a yes or no answer, Kania. Are you sorry it’s over?”

  “Yes.”

  He sighed. “We made vows to each other. It hasn’t been easy, but I’ve kept mine. Why couldn’t you?”

  “I tried, but I have needs and desires—”

  “And you think I don’t?”

  “I’m sure you do, but this separation wasn’t my idea.”

  “So it’s my fault you strayed?”

  “No,” she said. “It’s mine, but you created the conditions that made it easier.”

  “I made you cheat? Seriously? After all your ragging on your mother, you go whoring around and allow your so-called ex-lover’s brother to raw dog repeatedly and it’s my fault? Seriously? Fuck that and fuck you too! It’s over, you slutty bitch!” He ended the conversation.

  She sighed and put her phone down. Lord, but she had screwed up. She’d tossed Raven out on his ass and ruined her marriage. All in the space of two damn weeks. But instead of crying herself to sleep, she swam until she was tired then took a bottle of wine to her bedroom. But recalling her still missing in action period, she left the bottle unopened.

  Kania woke Saturday morning thinking not of Hank, but of Raven. However, when she checked her email, there was a message from Hank. After breakfast, she did an early shift at the animal shelter before going grocery shopping. She read Hank’s message as she waited in line.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

  After leaving the market, she sat in the parking lot, rereading the email, and trying to decide what she thought, felt, and wanted to do. What to do should have been a no-brainer: pack, close the house, and head to Japan to save her marriage. Instead, her thoughts kept returning to Raven and how she felt with him. And about him.

  She sighed and then sent a reply to Hank.

 

  She set her phone to silent and drove home.

  Raven lounged in his vehicle when she arrived. His presence removed any remaining doubt about what she wanted to do. What she was going to do.

  “Can I help?” He asked, his gaze on the bags in her open trunk.

  She picked up two bags and nodded.

  “Let me,” he said, taking the bags from her.

  She opened the kitchen door and allowed him to carry all the bags inside.

  “I’m really sorry,” he said, as he set the final bag on the kitchen island.

  She sighed. “I’ve already accepted your apology.”

  “Y
eah, you really didn’t.”

  She put the food away before she spoke again. “I called Hank last night and told him everything.”

  “And?”

  “He called me a slutty bitch and hung up.”

  “He actually called you a slut and a bitch?”

  “Can you blame him?”

  “Damn right I blame him. He created the circumstances leading to everything between us.”

  “It’s not his fault.”

  “The hell it isn’t. Are you going to tell me that if he were here that you would have given me a second look?”

  “You’re forgetting what I told you about that night when I ‘talked’ you to sleep. I was in love with Braden, but I still...kissed you until my lips were almost numb.”

  “We’re brothers. We look a lot alike. Your attraction to me is understandable. But you are not going to convince me that if Hank were here when I arrived, I’d have stood a chance in hell with you.”

  “I’m not sure about that.”

  “Are you suggesting that if he were here, you’d be sneaking around with me behind his back?”

  “No,” she admitted. Because she had been happy with Hank...until he left her. There. She’d admitted it. He’d walked out on her.

  “Exactly. It’s his fault,” he said, as if she’d spoken her thoughts aloud. “He had no damn right to talk to you that way. And the next time I see him, I’ll going to shove my foot up his ass.”

  “No! He’s no physical match for you and you know that. Attacking him wouldn’t be fair.”

  “Neither was his sucker punch.”

  “Don’t you touch him, Elkhorn.”

  “But you have no problem with him hitting me?”

  “Of course I had a problem with it, but you have to understand that he was going through a lot at the time and not thinking clearly.” She sighed and shrugged. “Besides, he’s right.”

  “No, he is not right!”

  She moistened her lips. “He said it was over between us.”

  “Your marriage?”

  She nodded. “I tried to explain, but he didn’t want to listen.”

  “I won’t pretend not to be pleased, but I am sorry that you’re so clearly distressed.”

  “I do love him and I know...at least I think he loves me.”

  “So you’re saying...what?”