Carae's Touch (Long Line of Love, #4) Page 13

  "You're welcome." With a hand on her back, he guided her into the living room.

  She looked around before she sat on a single chair with no room for him to join her.

  "Would you like a drink?" he asked, walking over to the bar.

  "No. Thanks."

  He turned on his stereo and soft, mellow jazz filled the room. He then sat across from her on the loveseat. "Join me?"

  "Can we talk, Brandon?"

  He nodded, slowly, almost reluctantly. "Yes."

  "Can you tell me about her?"

  "I suppose I can, but I'd rather not."

  "Why?"

  He inhaled slowly. "Because it...it still..."

  "Hurts?"

  He rose and crossed the room to kneel in front of her. "I know you have a right to ask about her."

  "Then tell me about her."

  "It still hurts to talk about her."

  "I see."

  "I don't know if you do. Just because I find it difficult to discuss her doesn't mean..."

  "Doesn't mean what?"

  He took her hands in his and held them against his chest. "Doesn't mean I don't adore you, Carae." He lifted her hands to his lips and kissed them both. "I do. It's not just about sex for me."

  "But that is what you want?"

  "Yes, but if it's not what you want, then I'll deal with it. I don't intend to pressure you."

  "And if you don't get it from me?"

  "I have no interest in any other woman. If you're not interested, I foresee a lot of very cold showers in my future."

  "I know I probably gave you the impression that I do, but I really don't sleep around."

  "And?"

  She caressed his face. "And I don't want to sleep with you tonight."

  He blew out a breath and closed his eyes briefly before rising. He walked across the room to look out onto the balcony. "How would you like to spend the rest of the night?"

  "I probably should ask you to take me home."

  "But?" He turned to face her.

  "But I want to spend the night with you. I just don't want to have sex with you."

  "Why not?"

  "I just don't."

  "Okay. What do you want?"

  "I want to talk...I want to be held, but I don't want to have sex with you. Is that something you can do?"

  "Yes." He extended his hand.

  She got up and walked across the room to place her hand in his.

  He drew her into his embrace. "Just so you know, I had locks put on all the bedroom doors. You—"

  "I appreciate the gesture, Brandon, but when I said I want to spend the night with you, that's what I meant. In your room and in your bed."

  "That probably wouldn't be a good idea."

  She looked up at him. "Can't I trust you?"

  "I'd like to say you can, but I'm not so sure you should. It's been a very long time for me and—"

  "It's been five weeks, Brandon," she reminded him.

  He shook his head. "I don't remember that night. For me, nothing happened. For me, it's been nearly four years since...sharing a bed with me would not be a good idea."

  "It's what I need from you, Brandon."

  He sighed, placing a hand over his forehead briefly before he released her. "Then that's what you'll get."

  "I will?"

  "Yes. Make yourself at home while I go take a very cold shower." He turned away.

  She caught his hand. "I'm sorry, but—"

  He shook his head. "Don't be. I've asked for your patience and understanding. I have to be willing and able to make a similar effort. It won't be easy, but I want to give you what you need. If you need me to hold you, then I'll hold you...even if I burst a couple of blood vessels while doing it."

  She laughed.

  He arched a brow. "I'm glad one of us is amused."

  "I'm really not." I just need a sign in addition to your removing her pictures to give me some hope and help me decide what I need to do. She kissed his hand.

  "I'll be back."

  When he left, she walked out onto the balcony and sat staring up at the sky until the beauty of the night lured her to sleep.

  * * *

  When Brandon returned to the living room, freshly showered and wearing a sweat suit, he found her sleeping. He knelt beside her and gently stroked her cheek. She looked peaceful but he found the urge to pick her up and carry her into his bedroom to make love to her difficult to resist. So he didn't. He picked her up and carried her through the condo to his bedroom.

  Her eyes fluttered open when he gently lay her on his bed. He watched her blink and slowly sit up, her gaze going to the wall opposite his bed where Rissa's picture had hung since he'd bought the condo, twenty months earlier.

  She kicked off her shoes and rose to quickly remove her blouse and slacks. Then, giving him only a few seconds to appreciate her camisole and thong clad body, she slipped under the covers, turning her back to him. "Hold me."

  He wanted and needed to do so much more, but he'd disappointed her once and wouldn't do it again. He'd keep his promise. Removing his top, he kept the sweat bottoms on and slipped into bed behind her, curling his body against her back.

  She felt soft and warm. Her perfume and natural scent intoxicated him, weakening his ability to remain unaroused.

  She settled her big, round ass against his groin, sending a jolt of desire through him. He felt his cock stirring in response.

  Gritting his teeth, he slipped an arm over her waist.

  She made a soft, contented sound and pressed closer.

  He closed his eyes and struggled to shift his thoughts away from how close she was and how much he wanted her to the need not to disappoint her again. She made that difficult by continually shifting her body into intimate contact with his groin.

  What the hell was she trying to do to him? Finally, after what felt like an eternity, her even breathing signaled the fact that she had fallen back to sleep.

  Lucky her. He remained awake, unable to get comfortable enough to fall asleep. Several hours later, around two a.m., he slipped out of bed with a raging hard on.

  After getting a seltzer water from the refrigerator, he went out onto the balcony to listen to jazz. He lay on a chaise, taking deep breaths and staring up at the stars until he started falling asleep. He turned off the music and returned to his bedroom.

  Slipping back into bed with her, he kissed her neck, settled his groin against her warm, round ass, and finally fell into a deep sleep, free of nightmares.

  Brandon woke a few hours later alone in bed with the aroma of freshly brewed coffee filling his nostrils. He stumbled into the master bath to take care of his needs before making his way to the kitchen.

  Carae stood at the floor to ceiling windows sipping from a large coffee mug, wearing the shirt he had worn the night before. The bottom of the shirt lovingly clung to her ass, showcasing her long, shapely legs.

  Recalling the torturous night he'd spent holding her, he longed to rush across the room, sweep her into his arms, and take her back to his bed to ravish her.

  But from her perspective, he'd already done that twice. The next time they were intimate had to be all about her.

  "'Morning."

  She turned to smile at him. "Morning, sweetie." She lifted her cup. "Coffee?"

  He nodded and watched her walk over to the counter to pour him a cup before he walked into the kitchen to take it.

  "Are you hungry?" She asked. "I can make breakfast."

  "I am, but I need to go down to the gym for an hour or so. Want to come with me?"

  "Thanks, but I'm feeling far too lazy to exercise. I think I'll wait here and just rifle through your things while you're gone."

  He shrugged. "I have nothing to hide." He put his cup down, kissed the side of her neck, and walked to the door.

  "Brandon?"

  He turned. "Yes?"

  "Thanks."

  "For what?"

  "For last night. I really needed to be held without worrying t
hat you'd pressure me into sex. I know last night wasn't easy for you."

  "How do you know that?"

  "You mean aside from the fact that you admitted it wouldn't be?" She shrugged and lowered her gaze. "Because every time I woke up, I felt your cock pressing against my ass."

  He walked back to her and stared down into her beautiful gaze. "Just be thankful you didn't feel it in your ass, gorgeous brown eyes."

  She inhaled and shook her head. "You are hopelessly delusional if you think you have a snowball's chance in hell of getting your oversized shaft anywhere near my anal opening."

  He brushed the back of his hand against her cheek. "I thought women generally preferred bigger and harder when it came to cocks."

  "Within reason. Your length and girth put you just outside of reason."

  "Have you tried anal sex?"

  "No and honestly I have no desire or intentions of trying it with anyone."

  He trailed his fingers over her exposed cleavage. "I'm not just anyone."

  She nodded. "I know, but that's not going to get you anywhere near my virgin behind."

  "Virgin behind?" He slid his hand around to caress her ass. "You're making me burn."

  She leaned forward to rub her cheek against his chest. "Go work it off, sweetie," she whispered.

  He pressed a quick kiss against her neck and walked back towards the door. "I'll see you in about ninety minutes."

  "I'll be waiting," she said.

  "Hopefully stark naked and as horny as I am."

  He heard her laugh. "Dream on, sweetie," she called out.

  Smiling, he left the kitchen.

  Chapter Nine

  Left alone, Carae went out to the balcony to drink her coffee and assess her situation. Although she was pleased that he had moved Rissa's picture, his continual refusal to talk about her weighed heavily on her mind. How could they have a serious relationship if he didn't care enough about her to discuss the only woman he'd ever loved?

  And if he still loved her, where did that leave Carae? She glanced down at her stomach and slowly shook her head. Would she always be in the other woman's shadow?

  She thought of his cock pressed against her ass for most of the previous night. He'd been hard and thick every time she woke. She knew he could have his choice of women, but apparently he wanted her. Maybe that gave her an advantage. Maybe, she could sleep her way out of Rissa's shadow.

  You're not in my shadow.

  Carae sat up on the chaise and glanced wildly around. Of course she was alone. Alone. Yet, she had felt the words in her head. Putting her cup down, she got up and made her way to Brandon's bedroom. A beautiful landscape of the Philadelphia city skyline occupied the spot that had previously held Rissa's picture.

  She leaned against the wall by the open bedroom door, staring at the landscape. "What do you want from me?"

  What he needs. Patience, understanding, and physical intimacy.

  "If you recall, he's already had quite a bit of physical intimacy." She glanced down at her stomach.

  Tell him. It will make all the difference for him.

  "And what about me? He's still in love with you and..." She shook her head. "I cannot believe I'm standing here talking to myself."

  You're not talking to yourself.

  "Then tell me what I'm doing wrong. Why he's still so in love with you."

  I was his sheenea and I loved every minute of it. That ended with my death. Now, it's your turn. Be patient with him. Please. Help him complete the healing, freeing him to fall completely in love with you.

  "Completely? Are you saying he's partly in love with me?"

  He has been from the first night you met. He needs patience and understanding, but you can have everything with him that I wanted but didn't get a chance to fully embrace and enjoy. Be there for him in a way I didn't. Don't fail him as I did.

  Even without words, she projected a wave of regret so strong and profound that Carae felt her eyes well with tears, for herself and for the other woman. "I have a novel idea. Instead of hounding me, why don't you talk to him and give him your blessing? Why don't you tell him it's okay to love me?"

  I can't. I don't know why I can communicate with you but not him. I've tried but he doesn't hear me. He's not open to hearing me. That's one of the reasons and ways I know he's ready to love again. Love him and let him love you.

  "He's dark and—"

  Yes. He is now, but he wasn't always that way. He may always have a small measure of darkness, but you can help dispel it or at least keep it within reasonable levels.

  "What happened between you two? What made him feel responsible for your...death?"

  It wasn't his fault.

  "If you really believe that, why don't you tell him that?"

  He can't hear me, but I'm thankful that you can. Tell him for me that I want him to find love again with you because I know you love him as much as I did.

  "You haven't told me what happened between you."

  That's something he needs to do. Once he has, you'll know he's let go of the past and my memory—

  She shook her head. "He's never going to really forget you."

  Maybe not, but he'll build new and enduring memories with you and the baby. You'll have him and his heart. Compared to that any lingering memories of our time together will pale in comparison—as well it should. Tell him that I said it wasn't his fault. That's what I was trying to say to him when I died. That it wasn't his fault. It's important to tell him that's what I was trying to say.

  Before she could decide how to respond, her cell phone rang.

  Shaking her head, she walked out of the bedroom and answered it. "Hi, Lelia."

  "Hi. I'm having a few people over for a late lunch. Are you free? I'd love to have you and your guest come."

  She hesitated only briefly before deciding she wanted to spend the day with Brandon. "Thanks, but I'll need a rain check."

  "Sure. If you change your mind, stop over anytime between twelve to six tonight."

  "Thanks." After saying goodbye to Lelia, she called Jim.

  "Are you all right?" He asked.

  "Yes. I'm fine."

  "When are you coming home? Do you need me to come pick you up?"

  "No. Thanks."

  "Did you tell him?"

  "No."

  "Are you going to?"

  "Yes...eventually."

  "Speaking as a man, sooner is probably better than later."

  "Probably so, but I need to be sure of him. When I am, I'll tell him."

  "Am I going to see you again this weekend?"

  "I don't know."

  "If you need me, call."

  She smiled. "Thanks. I will." She glanced at her coffee, which was now cold. Taking her cup into the kitchen, she washed it before going to shower. Afterwards, she searched through Brandon's closets for something to wear. She settled on a sweatshirt and a pair of shorts.

  When he returned after his workout, she was in the kitchen drinking a second cup of coffee while worrying that the vegetable omelet, French toast, and bacon was getting cold. "I expected you back half an hour ago. Breakfast is barely lukewarm."

  "I needed more than 90 minutes, but everything smells great." He kissed her on her neck. "Give me ten minutes to take a shower."

  She turned to look at him. "Brandon?"

  "Yes?"

  Recalling what Rissa had "said," she touched his cheek before curling her fingers in his hair. "Don't be long."

  He kissed her. "I won't."

  When he returned, he carried breakfast out to the balcony. While they ate, she kept her gaze on him, searching for any sign that he might be in love with her. But all she was certain she saw in his gaze was desire. That was nice, but mutual desire was not enough.

  "You look charming in my clothes, but they're not suitable for dining out."

  "Are we having dinner out?"

  "Yes. We are. I can drive you home so you can pack a case or we can go shopping if you prefer."

  "R
eally? I've had my eye on a couple of outrageously priced outfits for a while now."

  "Then shopping it is," he said.

  "I was kidding," she said.

  "I wasn't. Where shall we go?"

  "Take me home and I'll pack an overnight bag."

  "Let's go shopping instead," he insisted.

  They had a good natured argument before she agreed. She dressed and they went to an expensive boutique she only frequented on the rare occasions they held a sale. He encouraged her to buy several outfits, including some decadently priced hose, lingerie, and heels, she knew would make her legs look great.

  The bill was more than she made in two months. "I can't believe I let you spend so much money," she said when they were back in his SUV.

  "It's not a big deal, Carae. The money isn't important and I meant it when I said there were no strings attached."

  She sighed. Having him and enough money to buy such beautiful clothes would leave her with very little to hope for—if she could land his slippery ass. "Where are we going, Brandon?"

  "Back to my place," he said, starting the car.

  "No. I mean where are we going as a couple?"

  He shut off the engine and turned to look at her. "There's really no getting around the fact that I'm too damned old for you, Carae. You're at a time in your life when you like going out clubbing and just enjoying being single and attractive; without anything to tie you down or impede your full enjoyment of life."

  "And you?"

  "I'm closer to forty-three than I am to forty-two. And I've never really enjoyed clubbing—not even in college. And I'm at a point in life when I just want..."

  "What? What do you want, Brandon?"

  "I want what my married brothers have: to be happily married to a woman I adore with a couple of kids, but—"

  "Then have it, Brandon. With me."

  "With you?"

  "Yes. With me. It'll be a bit of a hardship, but with enough coercion, I think I could be persuaded to marry you and have your babies."

  He caressed her cheek. "You deserve far more than I can give you, Carae."

  "Probably so, but I want you anyway."

  "For how long?"

  "For how long? You want something in writing? I don't know for how long." She shrugged. "How long does anything last?"

  "You're young and may be unsure of how you really feel."