Carae's Touch (Long Line of Love, #4) Read online

  "No."

  "You're never going to have a relationship with Carae as long as it remains in here."

  "I know."

  "And you're not willing to meet her halfway by relocating Rissa's picture?"

  "I think I've already proved that I'm no good for her."

  "Last night wasn't your fault."

  "It wasn't hers either, but she's the one who ended up having sex against her will. So, no. Now will you just allow me to handle things my own way and in my own time?"

  "No. We are not going to stand by and watch you descend into another black pit."

  "Look, Layton—"

  "No! You look. You have a few days to handle this. Use them to get the fuck over yourself and take her picture down!" Layton stormed out, slamming the door behind him.

  An hour later, while he was grilling a steak, Declan called.

  "Is there anything I can do for you, Hawk?"

  Hearing the concern in his younger brother's voice, he knew he was causing his entire family pain. He knew it but couldn't see a way out. He shook his head. "No, but thanks."

  "Do you need to talk?"

  He probably did but he didn't feel like it. He just wanted to be left alone. "Not at the moment."

  "Sometimes it helps."

  "I know."

  "If you need someone to listen without offering advice or if you need someone to blast, I'm available. I understand the need to blow off steam. Please call if I can help in any way, Hawk."

  Listening to Declan offering to be his verbal punching bag forced him to acknowledge how badly he'd treated Bancroft. "Thanks, Declan. I will." After hanging up, he called Bancroft. "I owe you an apology, Croft."

  "It's all right, Hoss. I understand."

  "No, it's not all right. You are the last person I should be beating up on."

  "I'm the one most willing to have it done, Hoss. Besides, you were right. I kept pushing. If not for my interference, she wouldn't have been there and—"

  "It's still not your fault. I wanted to see her again."

  "But you didn't do anything about it. I did and—"

  "And it was my choice to allow her to stay. I willingly did that because I was desperate to see her again. I had absolutely no right to dump on you. None and I'm so sorry."

  "Don't worry about apologizing to me. Please just work on healing—with or without Carae in your life."

  With or without Carae? He closed his eyes briefly. He'd only known her for five weeks and yet he'd spent most of that time missing her. A future without her would probably be as bleak as the past without Rissa had been.

  "Tell me what I can do to help."

  He shook his head. "I don't know if anyone can do anything to help."

  "Carae can. Let her."

  "She doesn't want to see me again."

  "She's hurt and a little disillusioned. You could change her mind."

  "How?"

  "By removing Rissa's picture."

  "You've been talking to Hawk."

  "Hawk and I haven't discussed your moving her picture. However, I'm not surprised he thinks you should too. It's a problem for Carae—as it would be for any woman interested in a serious relationship with you."

  He sighed. "Removing it would be... I don't know if I can."

  "Would you allow me to do it for you?"

  "That's not something I should allow anyone else to do."

  "I'm not anyone else, Hoss."

  "I know that."

  "Think about it. Just please don't take too long and call me if you need me."

  "Thanks. I will."

  * * *

  "Are you all right?"

  Carae looked up from the email she was attempting to compose to see Jim standing in her bedroom door. She put her tablet aside and nodded. "Yes."

  "Yeah? Are you sure? You've been moping around since you came home. I keep expecting to hear you crying."

  She shook her head. "I'm not going to cry over him."

  "What happened? You left yesterday with such high hopes."

  "Reality happened. He's still in love with his ex."

  "I thought she was dead."

  "Not to him she isn't."

  "How much more time and energy are you prepared to spend on him?"

  "Not much more."

  "Good because Saturday nights were made for better things."

  "Such as?"

  "Partying hard with friends who cherish and love you."

  "Like you?"

  "Like me. Hmm?"

  "Sounds like a plan."

  "Good. Then shower, dress, and let's go light up the night. I'll drive so you can get as loose as you like."

  "You're one of the best friends a girl could have," she said.

  He smiled. "I know you don't deserve me, but you have me anyway. So get the lead out."

  "Okay. Just let me send this email and I'll be ready in about an hour."

  He winked and walked down the hall.

  Carae picked up her tablet again. She looked over the email.

  I meant what I said about not wanting to see you again, but I apologize for my remark about her picture. I know she and it mean the world to you and there was no need for me to be unkind. I hope you find whatever it is you need to be happy. Carae.

  She moistened her lips and then sent it before she could change her mind. With the email on its way, she inhaled slowly and deeply several times. Assuring herself that she was relieved to have put a definitive end to their one-sided relationship, she got up and went into the bathroom to dress for her night out.

  * * *

  After reading Carae's email twice, Brandon felt agitated and angry at her seeming inability to understand him and his own inability to dismiss thoughts of her. He knew the picture bothered her, but she hadn't given him a chance to make things right. She didn't want to see him again? Fine. Her lack of empathy, removed any incentive he might have had to take Rissa's picture down.

  Feeling in need of a measure of release, he changed and drove to Randall's property, intent on a solo moonlight ride. Like all the Grayhawks, he had the codes to Randall and Benai's gated property. Skirting the main house, he went directly to the stables. And found Randall and Declan, dressed in jeans waiting there.

  "Great minds think alike," Declan said.

  He shook his head. "I'm not in the mood for company."

  "You know riding alone at night isn't a great idea. Declan and I are going no matter what you say."

  "Fine, but I do not want and do not intend to listen to a damned lecture from either of you. I've already had my quota filled with Layton and Croft."

  "When have we ever attempted to lecture you, Hawk?" Randall asked.

  He had to admit the Grayhawk family hierarchy made lecturing elder siblings very rare. "Okay, maybe that was a bad choice of words, but—"

  "We don't need to talk unless you want to."

  "I don't want to."

  "Then we won't."

  They saddled their horses and rode out. After a while, Declan fell back leaving Brandon and Randall riding side by side. The starlit night reminded him of the many such rides he and Rissa had shared that culminated with them making love under the stars.

  As happened with increasing frequency, thoughts of intimacy with Rissa invariably led to the desire to share similar experiences with Carae. The possibility of lying in Carae's arms and sliding his bare cock inside her while the moon shone down on them seemed shot to hell. He hated that he'd taken her without her full consent and that it had apparently been a very forgettable experience for them both.

  He glanced at Randall, happily married and eagerly awaiting the birth of his and Benai's second child. "When did you know?" He asked.

  Randall looked at him. "When did I know what? That Benai was my sheenea?"

  He nodded.

  "My heart knew the moment I saw her. However, it took my brain much longer to get in gear and admit it. Is that how it was for you with Rissa?"

  He frowned. "No. Actually it was
n't. I was physically attracted to her the night we met, but I had no idea how much she'd come to mean to me."

  "But it was like that with Carae."

  The quiet certitude in Declan's voice left no room for denial. "Before I'd even seen her face, I immediately felt drawn to her in a way I hadn't been with Rissa. With her the attraction was immediate, powerful, and overwhelming...and not just physical." As it had been with Rissa.

  He inhaled slowly before going on. "Meeting her felt almost like..."

  "Destiny?" Declan suggested.

  He shook his head. "If meeting her was destiny, what would that make Rissa?"

  "Your sheenea—while she was alive. But now she's gone and the spirits have been kind and sent you another. Accept their gracious gift."

  "Rissa was the best thing that ever happened to me."

  "Until Carae happened," Randall said. "I never thought I'd ever fall in love again after being hurt until I met Benai. Once I had, she changed everything in my life for the better. She healed the hurt and pain in a way I never thought possible. It took a while, but she made me unafraid to love again. Let Carae do the same for you, Hawk."

  He shook his head. "Even if I wanted to, that option is no longer open to me."

  "Why not?"

  He told them of his actions during his nightmare.

  "Damn," Randall said.

  "You think she holds you responsible?" Declan asked.

  "She said she didn't—until she was angry then she said she wouldn't give me another chance to do it to her again. So yes, she holds it against me."

  "I could talk to her and help her understand," Declan offered.

  He knew Declan was capable of reshaping her perception of what had happened to benefit him. But he didn't want that. "Thanks, but if she chooses to forgive me, I want it to be of her own free will."

  "How likely is that to happen?" Randall asked.

  "I'm not sure, but I'm hopeful that she'll see me in a few days."

  "And if she doesn't?"

  "I don't know. I'll deal with that when and if it happens."

  They made the rest of the ride in a companionable silence. By the time Brandon returned home, he felt tired enough to undress and immediately fall asleep. He sent Carae flowers first. In the morning he spent an hour at the gym before returning to sit on his balcony.

  Suppressing the urge to call Carae, he spent the day alone reading. However, nearly all of his brothers called at some point during the day wanting to spend some time with him or wanting him to have lunch or dinner with them. Although he appreciated their concern, he wanted to be alone.

  When he slipped into bed that night, the last thing he saw before he fell asleep was Rissa's picture, but it was Carae who graced his dreams and kept them from turning into nightmares. In the morning, he worked out, had breakfast, and then went to work at his downtown Philadelphia office. Once there, after talking to Lelia, he sent an elaborate bouquet to Carae’s office before settling down to work. The morning dragged on and he was relieved to have lunch with Layton who showed up at his office without warning. After a meal he didn’t eat, he returned to work. He spent the next two hours trying to concentrate on business before he called Carae.

  She answered on the third ring. "I haven't changed my mind, Brandon. I still don't want to see you again. Sending flowers isn't going to change that. So please stop sending them," she said and hung up before he could say anything.

  Only slightly deterred, he lay thinking about her that night. If she were really determined not to see him again, she wouldn't have bothered to take the time to send that email apologizing for something she hadn't done. He'd call her again the next day. And the day after that if necessary while continuing to send flowers. He stared at Rissa's picture before turning off the lights. In the morning, he'd try again.

  Three weeks later, he'd had all his efforts to make amends to Carae rebuffed and he was pissed. A two-hour long workout didn't improve his mood, nor did an afternoon ride with Layton and Bancroft. After spending a few hours with all of his nieces and nephews at Layton's house, he returned home determined to take a more hands on approach with Carae.

  He showered and dressed and then drove to her apartment complex. When no one answered his ring, he returned to his vehicle. She must be out. But where and with whom? He was tempted to call Lelia and asked her to find out, but decided involving her would make him seem desperate as well as put Lelia in an untenable position.

  He was seated across from her building, trying to decide what his next move should be when a dark SUV pulled up. A man got out and opened the passenger door for Carae.

  Finally. Brandon exited his vehicle and started across the street. As he did, Carae and the man stopped by the entrance doors, embraced, and then shared a long, intimate kiss.

  Seized by a fit of jealousy he hadn't felt in years, he stormed across the street just as they stepped apart. "A new friend, sweetie?"

  She turned to face him. He saw a look of surprised delight in her beautiful brown eyes quickly followed by a cool reserve. "Brandon! What are you doing here?"

  He gave the tall dark skinned male standing next to her a brief glance. Noting a hint of Carae's lipstick on his mouth, he compressed his lips. "I need to talk to you."

  "You should have called."

  "Why? So you could hang up on me again?"

  "Doesn't the fact that she has been hanging up on you suggest that she doesn't want to see you?"

  Brandon took a deep breath. It didn't help. He turned to look at the other man. "Clearly you should mind your own damned business."

  He put an arm around Carae's shoulders. "Your trying to force her to talk to you is my business."

  The fuck it was. He stepped closer, gripped the other man's free wrist and stared into his eyes. Why don't you get lost while you can still do that in one piece?

  "Brandon! Stop that!" Carae turned and shoved against his shoulders until he released his grip and stepped back.

  She looked at the man, placing a hand on his arm. "Are you all right, Jim?"

  He shook his head and then nodded slowly. "What the hell was that?"

  Instead of answering she turned to stare at Brandon. "You had no right to do...whatever you just did."

  Annoyed at having watched her kiss another man, he shrugged. "I didn't do anything but strongly suggest he'd be much better off not trying to come between you and me."

  "There is no you and me."

  "The hell there isn't."

  She shook her head. "You think there is?"

  "You think there isn't?"

  "Why are you even having this conversation with him, Rae? Clearly he's delusional and unable to take no for an answer. Let's go inside."

  Brandon turned to stare at him. "Keep your hands off her and stay out of this or—"

  "Or what, Brandon?"

  Deciding that no good would come of trying to force her to choose between them, he shook his head. "I didn't come here to argue. I came to ask you...beg you if necessary to talk to me. Please, Carae."

  "Look, Brandon, I don't think—"

  "You think being forced to beg in front of another man is easy for me? I know I fucked up but I at least need you to give me a chance to make things right. Please. Please."

  "What's changed, Brandon?"

  "Nothing but I still want...need to see you. What do I have to do to accomplish that? Go down on my knees? Is that what you want?"

  "No," she said, but only after a significantly long pause.

  "Then please talk to me."

  She moistened her lips before turning to look at the other man. "Give us a moment, Jim."

  "Oh, come on, Rae. You're not going to fall for that line. Are you? I mean—"

  Brandon clenched his right fist by his side so he wouldn't slam it into the other man's face. He stared at him. Shut the fuck up now. Or else!

  The other male allowed his words to trail off and looked confused and uncertain.

  Watching him, Carae frowned. "We do need
to talk, Jim. Give us a few minutes."

  Thank God!

  When the man didn't respond, she touched his arm. "Jim? Are you all right?"

  He shook his head slowly before looking at her. "Rae, this guy is nuts!"

  She shrugged. "Maybe so...hell...probably so, but I want to hear what he has to say."

  "And I'm supposed to just leave you with him?"

  "Yes. I'm in no danger at all."

  But you are if you don't shut the fuck up!

  "You're sure, Rae?"

  "Yes." She squeezed his hand and then kissed his cheek.

  He stared at Brandon, who returned his cold look, before turning and going inside.

  "Thank you," he said.

  She turned to look at him. "How are you?"

  "I'm better now," he said.

  "Good. So talk."

  "Out here?"

  "You want to go into the lobby?"

  "I want to go somewhere we can talk privately."

  "Like where?"

  "We can go out to dinner and then go to my place to talk."

  "Going home with you didn't work out too well the last time I did that."

  "I know, but things will be different this time."

  "How?"

  "I won't be pretending that I don't want you there and I won't touch you...unless you want it as much as I do."

  "So that's what this is about? You suddenly want to be intimate with me?"

  He shook his head. "You know it's not sudden. I've never made any secret of the fact that I was attracted to you the moment we met."

  She stared at him before she sighed. "You know that I like you."

  He caressed her cheek. "I like you too."

  She turned her head and kissed his hand. "No, Brandon. I mean I really like you...a lot."

  He nodded. "I know you do, sweetheart and the feeling is more than mutual."

  "How much more?"

  "A lot more."

  "Oh, Brandon. Do you mean it?"

  "Of course I do. Come with me and I'll show you. Will you come?"

  She nodded. "Yes."

  "To dinner and then—"

  "I don't have much appetite. We can eat at your place, talk, and then you can bring me back home."

  "Or you can spend the night or the weekend."

  "Don't you think three is going to be a crowd?"