Carae's Touch (Long Line of Love, #4) Page 10

  "Thanks, Croft."

  "For what?"

  "For offering a listening ear that made her feel better when she needed it."

  "She's sweet and has a great sense of humor. I like her."

  "Unfortunately, so do I."

  "Turn that into a positive, Hoss."

  That might be plausible once he discovered what he'd done to upset her the previous night.

  * * *

  Brandon found Carae seated on the loveseat in the living room. He sat beside her and slipped his arm around her shoulders. "I need to apologize again for losing my cool last night."

  "It's all right—"

  "No. It's not. I don't go around calling the women in my life bitches—no matter how angry I am."

  "Really? I hate to tell you this, Brandon, but that makes it worse because it means you made an exception in my case."

  "It means I lost my head and my common sense, something I rarely do at the same time."

  "So again you made an exception in my case? An unflattering one."

  Damn, but she didn't seem to want to give him a fucking break. "It only happened because my emotions were involved in a way they've rarely been. I'm sorry. I promise you it won't happen again."

  She glanced at him and smiled. "Nice recovery, sweetie. I accept your apology."

  "Thank you. Now please tell me what I did to hurt you last night."

  "You were asleep and didn't know what you were doing."

  "Did I strike out in my sleep and hit you?"

  "No."

  He recalled how he'd awaken feeling sexually satisfied that morning. Then he thought of her insistent questioning about the condition of his sheets and her saying she didn't know if she could forgive him. And he knew what he'd done.

  He inhaled slowly before he spoke. "Please don't tell me that I...did I... force myself on you?"

  She immediately turned to look at him. "If you had, you'd know you had."

  "That doesn't answer my question. Did I force myself on you?"

  "No," she said, but only after a noticeable pause.

  "If I had, would you tell me?"

  "I'd not only tell you but I'd tell the police."

  "So I didn't force you?"

  "No. You didn't."

  This time she sounded decisive enough for him to close his eyes and slump against the loveseat in relief. Removing his arm from her shoulders, he took several slow, deep breaths.

  She placed a hand on his thigh and kissed his cheek. "It's all right, Brandon."

  He turned his head and looked at her. "Why won't you tell me what I did?"

  "Because there's nothing much to tell. I was a little upset this morning, but—"

  "You were upset about what? Why do you feel comfortable telling Bancroft but not me?"

  "Because it wasn't rape."

  He stiffened. "It wasn't...Are you saying it wasn't rape but we had sex last night?"

  She inhaled slowly. "Yes."

  "Oh, fuck! If I didn't force you, why were you upset?"

  "I was only upset because I didn't want our first time to be that way."

  "What way?"

  "You were so deeply in your nightmare that I couldn't wake you up. When I got in bed with you to try to comfort you, you started..."

  He stared at her. "Oh God. You didn't want it."

  "I did want it, but the reasons I didn't want it last night were numerous."

  "And they are?"

  "Well, damn, let me count them for you, Brandon. You have to know that I've wanted you from the moment we met. However, I didn't expect our first time to happen like it did when you didn't know what you were doing and couldn't remember it. Hell, I'm not even sure you weren't imagining I was someone else...like her."

  He knew she wanted assurance that he hadn't been thinking of Rissa while having sex with her. "I have no memory of it, Carae."

  "So you could have been thinking of her and not me?"

  He sighed. "As far as I know, I wasn't thinking of anything or anyone in particular."

  "Damn. That stings. Combine that with the fact that it all happened without a condom and you should understand some of my dissatisfaction."

  "The lack of a condom bothers you?"

  She shook her head in disbelief. "Of course it bothers me! It should bother you too."

  "It doesn't."

  "Why not? Do you make a habit of having unprotected sex?"

  "I haven't slept around for several years and when I did, it was never unprotected unless I was with someone special."

  "Like her?"

  He nodded. "And you."

  "That might mean something to me, if you actually remembered sleeping with me, Brandon."

  "I can't change the circumstances of last night."

  "I know that."

  "And I never intended to touch you. I certainly never intended it to happen against your will."

  "But had I been fully onboard you would have expected sex without a condom?"

  "It's what I would have wanted."

  "I don't believe what I'm hearing, but I can assure you I wouldn't have voluntarily had unprotected sex with you or anyone else."

  "Why not?"

  "Because when I get pregnant, I want it to be as a result of a joint effort on the part of me and my husband. I have no desire or intentions of putting myself in the position of having to worry about an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy as a result of casual sex."

  First she hinted that he had a big dick but lacked finesse. Now she was implying that sex with him was casual. "You didn't exactly give the impression that you were saving yourself for marriage when we met."

  She stared at him for several moments before she finally responded. "I say something you don't want to hear and it's okay to insult me by pretending that I'm easy?"

  He sat back against the loveseat.

  She reached down and slapped him. "Keep your hands and your cock to yourself. Don't you ever touch me again."

  He watched her storm out of the room before he picked up his cell phone and called Bancroft. "Where are you?"

  "In the lobby."

  Apparently he'd known that Brandon would screw up and need his help.

  "Shall I come up?"

  "Yes. Carae and I...She's upset and she wants to leave. I need you to take her home."

  "Of course."

  He rose and walked out into the foyer to wait for Carae. When she appeared carrying her suitcase several minutes later, he knew she'd been crying. He also knew there was nothing he could say that she'd be receptive to hearing. "Bancroft is coming up from the lobby. He'll take you home."

  She nodded silently, without looking at him.

  "I know you don't want to hear it, but I'm sorry for—"

  "You're right. I don't want to hear anything you have to say. I hope you'll be happy with your memories or with whoever else you find foolish enough to go raw with you."

  She sounded so hurt, he ached for her. "Carae—"

  "Leave me alone, Brandon. Please or do you want me to wait in the hall for Bancroft?"

  "Of course not." He ran a hand over his hair. "But you have to at least allow me to tell you how sorry I am."

  "No I don't."

  "You do." He took her hand and placed it over his heart. "I tried so hard to treat you as I'd want Lelia to be treated. I'm so sorry I failed so miserably but it was not intentional. If you believe nothing else I say, please believe that."

  "It doesn't matter anymore."

  "It does to me. Forgive me."

  She looked up at him with tears glistening in her eyes.

  Damn. He bent his head and rubbed his cheek against hers before turning to press a gentle kiss on her mouth. When she didn't push him away, he curled his fingers in her hair and kissed her until her sweet lips parted in response.

  Placing his hands on either side of her, he pressed her against the door with his body and sucked her tongue into his mouth. In an effort to show her he regretted his behavior, he resisted the urge to grind
his cock against her.

  She shuddered, briefly responded to his kiss, but then tore her mouth away from his.

  He transferred his lips to her ear and neck, kissing and licking both until she sucked in a breath before shoving at his shoulders.

  Despite being pushed away, her brief response dissipated some of his panic that he might have permanently blown it with her. She was pissed, but once she calmed down, she'd forgive him. "I'll call you in a few days."

  She stepped away from him, shaking her head. "Don't. After I swallowed my pride to chase you, you insult me because I didn't want to have unsafe sex with you."

  "You misunderstood—"

  "No, I didn't. You meant to insult me and you did."

  He sighed. "Okay, I did, but only because you implied I had no technique and—"

  "If you do, you didn't share it with me last night, Brandon."

  Fuck! She knew how to kick a man in the balls. Although he was angry, he knew he couldn't afford the luxury of responding in kind again. At least not if he wanted her to forgive him. And he did. "Do you have any idea what's going to happen to me if you just walk out of my life?"

  "Is there any reason why I should care?"

  "No, but I'm hoping and praying that you do anyway, Carae."

  She shook her head. "I don't know what you want from me, Brandon. When I was determined to chase you, you kept warning me not to. Now that I've finally seen how dark you are and want no part of you, you want to cling to me. You know there are a lot of men in this city who won't make caring about them such a challenge and—"

  "Then you do still care?"

  She sighed and shook her head again. "Even if I did, I'd be a fool to do anything but walk away now before you end up breaking my heart."

  "That's the last thing I want, Carae."

  "Yeah? Well, if I stay, it's the thing most likely to happen."

  "No it's not."

  "How can you say that when you're still in love with her?"

  "I...I..." He swallowed slowly. How could he answer that without either betraying Rissa's memory or alienating Carae? "I never said that."

  "You have a humongous picture of her that you look at every morning and every night. You're still in love with her all right. And I'm still not interested in wallowing in her shadow or being the one you're with because you can't be with her. You're still in love with her and she's in love with you."

  "She's dead, Carae."

  "Not for you she isn't."

  "So what? You want me to take her picture down? Is that what you want? Would that make you happy?"

  "Nothing good has come of my wanting to be with you. So you know what? I can't afford to care what you do or don't do anymore, Brandon. I hope you and your picture will be very happy together. Now for God's sake, will you just leave me the hell alone? Please."

  Feeling as if he were making the second biggest mistake of his life, he turned and walked back into the living room. He paced the length in agitation as he heard his entrance door open and close. Moments later he heard her sobbing and Bancroft whispering to her.

  Unable to bear the sound of her distress, he walked back out into the foyer.

  With her shaking in his arms, Bancroft looked up at him and gave an almost infinitesimal shake of his head. She needs some space and time, he mouthed.

  He nodded and reluctantly went back into the living room. Minutes later, he heard the door open and close. Walking into his bedroom, he stood staring at Rissa's picture, trying to decide what he felt. Of course he still missed her, but he wasn't sure if the ache was as all-consuming as it had been. However, he had a feeling that it would soon be joined by a new one because he'd made such a mess of things with Carae just as he realized he wanted an exclusive relationship with her.

  Why the hell did he keep screwing up with the only women who mattered? He was alone and missing Carae already. And angry with himself and the world, but especially with Bancroft.

  Chapter Seven

  Brandon spent an hour at the on-site gym before returning to his unit. The workout had done little to improve his mood. He showered and then sat on his balcony listening to his favorite blues songs, while getting angrier.

  Three hours after Carae had left, Bancroft returned and joined him on the balcony. "How is she?"

  "Not great at the moment."

  He stared at his twin.

  Bancroft sighed. "Go ahead. Get it off your chest."

  "I suppose you're happy now."

  Bancroft shook his head.

  "I told you to leave her alone. But you just had to keep pushing and pushing until you got us together. And now she's hurt and disillusioned." He inhaled slowly. "She said she doesn't want to see me again. If it wasn't for you sticking your nose in where it didn't belong, she wouldn't have been here to get hurt last night."

  "That's not what I wanted."

  "Well, it's what she got because you can never mind your own damned business."

  "I agree that things didn't turn out as I'd hope they would, but what the hell did you expect me to do, Brandon? Just sit back and watch you push away the only woman capable of helping you heal?"

  He rose and stalked across the balcony to stare directly into Bancroft's gaze. "I expected you to mind your own damned business! And I expect you to get the hell out of my face and my place. Now!"

  Bancroft silently turned and walked back into the living room and out the door.

  Brandon sat back down and closed his eyes, trying to control his growing anger. He knew Bancroft had been trying to help, but at the moment with his relationship with Carae dangling in the balance, he just didn't give a fuck.

  Two hours after Bancroft left, Layton arrived.

  He clenched his jaw. "Let me guess what brings you here, Hawk. Bancroft has been running off his damned mouth again."

  Layton strolled past him and down the hall to his bedroom where he stood staring at Rissa's picture before he turned to look at him. "Croft is concerned and he clearly has a right to be."

  "Really? Well tell him for me that if he doesn't stay the fuck out of my personal life, I'm going to do what Randall should have done when he was interfering between him and Benai—knock him on his damned ass until he gets the point."

  Layton's eyes narrowed. "He thinks she's your sheenea."

  "And who the hell is supposed to be impressed by what he thinks when he also thought Randall's wife was his sheenea?"

  Layton shook his head. "Let's not go there, Brandon."

  "Why the hell not?"

  "Because you seem to be conveniently forgetting that he lost his spiritual balance trying to help you. If nothing else, that alone should entitle him to butt in as much as he needs to."

  "I didn't ask him or any of you to help me."

  "Are you out of your fucking mind, Brandon? Are you implying that we should have stood on the sidelines watching while you drowned in pain and sorrow?"

  Despite his anger, he knew he wasn't making much sense or being fair. "What exactly do you want?"

  Layton turned to look at Rissa's picture again. "Don't you think it's time?"

  He narrowed his gaze. "Don't I think it's time to or for what?"

  Layton sighed and turned to meet his gaze. "Time to remove her picture. I know you loved her, but you can hardly expect Carae or any other woman to want a relationship with you while her picture hangs here."

  "Tell me something I don't already know."

  "All right. I will. What happened last night wasn't your fault."

  "Why am I not surprised that he told you about that as well?"

  "You wanted to keep it from me, Brandon?"

  "No," he admitted. But he'd wanted to confess in his own time.

  "You must know Carae can't have felt good about it happening in this room."

  "You're making it sound as if I planned it."

  "I know damn well you didn't plan it."

  "Then why are you here? What do you want, Hawk?"

  "Never mind what I want. What abou
t what you want and need? If Croft is wrong about her being your new sheenea, why haven't you made your lack of interest in her so clear that she would have continued to steer clear of you no matter what he said?"

  "Are you taking his side, Layton?"

  "Since when does one brother looking out for another require me to take sides? Clearly, you are not indifferent to her."

  "My feelings are my business." He turned away.

  Layton grabbed his arm. "Brandon—"

  He turned and swung a raised fist.

  Layton threw up a forearm to block the blow and danced backwards, his gaze narrowed.

  The two brothers stared at each other in silence for several moments before Brandon sighed, shaking his head. "I didn't mean...I'm sorry, Hawk. Forgive me."

  Layton sighed. "How can I help?"

  "Tell Croft to stay the fuck out of my business."

  "I have a better idea. Why don't you wake up and smell the damn coffee? The reason you're so upset is because he's right. All three of us know that, but you're the only one unwilling to admit it."

  "I don't want or need a lecture from you."

  "Ask me if I give a fuck, Brandon. All I got from you before Tempest and I ironed out the kinks in our relationship was one damned fucking lecture after another. So don't even think about telling me to mind my own business!"

  He turned away, shaking his head. "I need some space. I just want to be left alone to handle this in my own way."

  "And what way is that? By pretending that you don't want or need her?"

  "Just give me a few weeks to—"

  "A few weeks? That's not going to happen, Brandon. We'll give you a day or two, but that's it. And while you're alone, remove her picture."

  "And do what with it? Hide it away somewhere as if she never meant anything to me?"

  "No. Of course not. No one is asking for or expecting you to pretend she wasn't your sheenea. Because she was, as a family, we'll always have fond memories of her. Tempest has made a place for her picture in our family room."

  He shook his head. "I'm not taking it down."

  "It's time, Hoss. We can take it down together while I'm here and I'll take it with me. You know I'll take good care of it and it'll have a place of honor with us."